You Can’t Help Me. Have a Nice Life

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I woke up to that message this morning from an email newsletter subscriber. She was unsubscribing. I’m ok with. I probably get about 1–3 unsubscribes a month maybe.

All good. People generally like to sign up, get their free gift and then bolt. I’m just as guilty of doing that but only if the person who is sending out newsletters bombards me twice a day. Just.please.stop.

Those who unsubscribe usually just say “I have no time to read all these” or “I get too many emails”. I get it. I try not to flood your inbox. I’m rather consistently inconsistent. I tell you I’ll send something out once a week but you’re lucky if I remember to.

I usually don’t. I gotta work on that in 2019.

Anyway, this message made me stop and think. “You can’t help me. Have a nice life”

She’s right. I can’t help her. I can’t help anyone for that matter. None of us can. We can’t save anyone who doesn’t want to be saved.

We can’t help anyone who doesn’t want our help. We can’t help anyone who isn’t ready for help. I used to really struggle with this one. I want to save the world and every single broken person in it. I want to hug all their broken pieces and ram my self help bullshit down their throat.

But I can’t, I don’t think like that anymore and it’s not my job.

Too often we see one of our friends or family members suffering and we want to jump right in there with all our wonderful words of wisdom. “Do this, don’t do that, try this, stop saying that, why don’t you take my advice…bla bla bla”.

As much as we truly believe our advice will help or save anyone, it will often fall on deaf ears. You can advise til your blue in the face if that’s what makes you happy but trust me, no one is listening. Especially not the person you are trying to help.

We have to want to save ourselves. We have to want to help ourselves. We have to genuinely want to reach out to others for support. Until we do that, everything will stay the same. The misery and the pain, the hurt and frustration, the anger and hate.

None of it will go away until we decide for ourselves that it’s time to change things and actually want, look for and ask for help.

So stop trying to save everyone. You can’t. Know what you can do?

  • Be there for support
  • Lend an ear when they want to scream and cry
  • Offer a shoulder when they need comfort and a hug
  • Don’t turn your back on them
  • Provide them tools or resources they can look into when they are ready
  • Don’t take what they say personally.

If they lash out in anger they don’t mean to hurt you. They are hurt and angry and that’s how they respond and engage. Just send them love, healing love. ❤

So Susan is right. I can’t help her. No one can. Only she can help herself, when she is ready.

I love you ❤

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

Written by

Self help Guru|Expat|Website: mini self help eBook series here:

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