How many of you started out 2020 with those exact words? “This is gonna be my year” and then it all went to hell. For everyone. Myself included. But I have to be honest about something. 2020 actually WAS my year until my business collapsed in October.
Ironically enough, Covid had nothing to do with it.
My year of exponential growth
My year started out with great enthusiasm, lofty goals and visions of ending 2020 successfully reaching 6 figures. I worked my ass off. I purchased SEO courses and eBooks. I was going to make it happen, come Hell or high water.
By the time my business collapsed I was nowhere near 6 figures but was still quite proud of the progress I had made and held out for hope that 2021 would definitely be my 6 figure year.
Independent of financial goals, I also had other business growth goals. More subscribers, more life coaching clients, more followers on all social media and more monthly views in Google Analytics (GA).
2020 was all about numbers for me. How high, how many, how big, how fast. I kept pushing myself to reach the next milestone and then the next. At the beginning of the year I had a goal set of 500K monthly website views. I got close. I was near 300K until the October collapse happened.
On October 18th I lost it all.
My dark period
It lasted almost two months. I cried daily, many times a day. I smoked an awful lot of weed. I slept a lot and felt like throwing up a lot. I fought daily with the ‘site’ responsible for my business collapse.
It was exhausting. All of it.
I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do. It took me almost two years to build my ‘empire’ to what it was. What am I going to do now? How am I going to pay my rent, bills, buy food, survive?
I had so many questions and no answers. I was scared shitless. And felt hopeless. Once again, I had hit rock bottom.
Digging my way out and working
When I finally snapped out of depression and wiped away my final tears, I realized it was time to go to work. Crying myself to sleep wasn’t going to pay my bills.
My dear friend assured me that he would be there to help me while I got back on my feet and told me not to worry. “Just do what you do best. Build businesses. Make me proud”.
That’s all I had to worry about. Rebuilding a business. Again.
I promoted my writing services, picked up a few jobs, I promoted my Ko-fi link, picked up quite a few coffees and I worked hard on my business. Again.
My aha moment
I can’t tell you exactly when it hit me. It’s not like a flash of light came from the sky and suddenly I was awakened. Nothing like that. Though it did kinda hit me like a ton of bricks.
I suddenly realized something. Something very big and important. Something I had known for a long time but simply forgot.
I lost focus of my goal and my mission. I couldn’t blame my business crash on Covid. It was all my fault. 2020 had nothing to do with the demise of my empire.
It was all me.
2021 is gonna be my year
Covid or no covid. I’m gonna make shit happen this year.
I learned a valuable lesson in 2020. Actually I learned many lessons and I learned alot about myself.
I learned that when you follow your bank account and chase numbers, nothing good happens.
I learned that I can push myself and my business hard, past all limits and do extremely well, something I can take into 2021.
I learned that I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of 2020. I was greedy and money hungry. I was selfish and self absorbed. Rock bottom snaps you out of that right quick.
I learned that when I focus on joy and do what makes my heart sing, I’m happier and less stressed.
I learned not to rush things or force things and to do my work with love and patience.
I learned that things really can’t get much worse and they can only get better from here.
I learned that when I let go of expectations, and not control things, life surprises me and I’m rarely disappointed.
I learned that my purpose gets me excited to get out of bed, not numbers.
2021 is my year. It’s my year to grow, evolve, inspire, motivate and love. Love what I do, love people, love everything.
xo iva xo