Why “Look for the Good” is Toxic and Hurtful

Never say that to a sad person

Iva Ursano
Know Thyself, Heal Thyself
5 min readMay 11, 2022

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I used to be toxic positive. So much so that one of my family members completely blocked me from her life. It was a wake up call for me. Was I really that bad?

You can read more about it here

Call me naive. Accuse me of seeing life through rose coloured glasses. Tell me to pull my head out of my ass.

I’ve heard it all. My optimism is borderline annoying. I know I annoy some people. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

That’s cool.

I just didn’t realize how toxic I was.

Was I really that bad?

I hadn’t realized how toxic I was, or my family member thought I was, until this blocking incident. Is it wrong to tell people everything is going to be ok and to not worry?

Apparently it is.

I made a mental note of how I spoke to others right after this incident. I needed to see for myself how toxic I really was. It was a failed experiment because I was hyper aware of my conversations from that point on.

But one situation I was in really made me stop and think. Maybe I was toxic after all.

Iva was having a bad day. A really bad day. One of my friends was trying to cheer me up and help me ‘see the good’. I was not in the mood and didn’t want any part of it.

“Just let me be sad! Can’t I do that?”

It was right then, that I got it.

Just look for the good!

Listen, we’re not stupid people. We already know that everything is temporary — the bad and the good.

We already know that whatever shitty thing we are going through right now will eventually end. Maybe not the way we want it to or expect it to, but it will end.

We get all that.

So why do I have to…

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