Member-only story
Why I’m Finally Getting Help For My Addiction
And why it’s so hard this time
To be honest, I really don’t know why it’s so fucking hard this time. I’ve beat this addiction (or have I really?) so many times in the past. Once for 2 years and another time for 3 years. It seemed easy peasy then.
But now? I’m struggling so hard and it’s beating me down. I’ve had the talk with my mind a thousand times in the last 6 months or so:
My mind: Come on, let’s quit tomorrow, not today.
Me: Please. Can we not do this again?
My mind: Well you’re not really ready to quit anyway are you?
Me: Honestly, I think I am this time.
My mind: How about we think about it a little more. Let’s see how you feel tomorrow.
Me: Sigh
This has been going on for far too long. I quit for a day, then start up again. I quit for a week then start up again. This quit just won’t stick. It doesn’t have enough conviction.
I’ve been reading a lot of ‘quit smoking’ stories lately. They just pop up. I read them and take in each word. One of my friends back in Canada quit over a year ago. People all around me are quitting. So why can’t I?
