Why I‘m Prostituting Myself For Kids That Don’t Belong To Me
The toughest decision I’ve ever made in my life
If you follow my stories, my Facebook lives or my website, you will see I’m a no holds barred kinda gal. I drop F bombs all.damn.day. It’s who I am and who I’ve always been. I’m an in your face raw and real person. Always have been. But not in a mean and ugly way. There is always much love that goes into each and every post and Live. Always.
So stick with me here while I try to explain my story to you as best I can.
I am in Guatemala for two reasons. The main reason to help feed hungry bellies and the second, to escape winters in Canada. My mission was to use a large portion of my income to help with the poverty here.
My earnings all come from online stuff. Freelance writing, Medium, Patreon and Ads from my website. It’s safe to say that at the moment, my earnings are far below what I would like them to be which has caused me to make this crucial decision.
At the moment, Google Adsense is my ad placement agency for the simple fact that Mediavine, Ezoic and Monumetrics have all declined me because…..of my foul language. Google Adsense also does not pay the best, at all, ever. Though I’m grateful to at least be able to monetize with them, it is frustrating to have to rely on them at the moment.
I get pretty decent monthly traffic to my website at the moment. Decent enough to the tune of if I had a better ad placement agency my earnings should be triple or even quadruple what they are now.
It was frustrating the fuck outta me that I had to settle for shitty earnings because my voice was not accepted. It bothered me immensely and I struggled for months with this.
Why can’t I be me? Why am I being punished for being authentic? Why should I have to change who I am just to please them? So many why’s and wtf’s. It was driving me crazy and extremely annoying to me. This is bullshit…
Drastic measures needed to be taken to correct this.
About a year ago or so when I first started applying to these ad agencies they all said no because of the language. My response? Well fuck you because I’m not changing who I am, or my voice, for money. Almost made me feel like I was prostituting myself.
Just the thought of having to do that, prostitute myself to make decent money, made me shudder. Uh uh, not this girl. This is who I am and if you don’t like it, too fucking bad.
And then this happened…….
Just the other day I realized that it was time to bury my ego and swallow my pride. This isn’t about me anymore. This is about the kids I am here to feed but haven’t been able to lately because I can barely feed myself at the moment.
This was bigger than my already inflated ego. This was about knowing when it’s time to do something larger than yourself. This was about the sacrifices you have to make in order to fulfill your purpose.
This was about the kids. Not me.
This was about not only knowing who you are but also what needs to be done in order to do what you are here to do. This was about learning how to dig deep and realize the picture is so much bigger than your ego and your voice.
It was about listening to the voice of the kids. Not mine. It wasn’t about my voice anymore. It’s about doing the things we sometimes have to do for people we love and care about. ❤
So I finally made the decision, and trust me it was a fucking tough one, to go through my website and take out every single F bomb and all other strong words that apparently no one likes but me. I’m cleaning up my blog for my kids.
They’re not my kids, but they are. They are the ridiculously adorable little kids who see me on the street and come running up to me with huge smiles and hugs.
These are the kids who know I have candy in my purse for them (unless I eat it all). These are the kids who I taught to say I love you in English and they do every time they see me. ❤
These are the kids that I haven’t been able to help in over a year because my fucking ego got in the way.
So ya,these are my kids, kinda, and I’m doing this for them. ❤
But I don’t want to end this story here. I love to leave you with some food for thought (pardon the pun).
Is your ego getting in the way of something that you should probably do? Are you saying “fuck you” because of that monster aka ego? Is someone or something missing out on a gift you have to offer because of your stubbornness or pride?
I want you to put aside some time and give it some deep serious thought. Look at the pros and cons of what your ego is preventing you from doing. Is this hurting or helping? Remember, everything isn’t always about you (and I mean that in a loving way).
I love you ❤
Peace and Love
xo iva xo