When You’re Sensitive AF

Sorry, not sorry, no wait, I think I really am sorry.

Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

All the sensitive peeps in the house, raise your hands. 🙌

I’ve dealt with this all my life. Being a middle child, I think it’s automatically multiplied by a million for me. My sisters teased me relentlessly when I was younger just to make me cry so they could laugh at me.

So ya, I could probably write a book on sensitivity. The only problem with that is it would come out sounding like me whining about being sensitive.

‘scratch off writing a book on sensitivity from the list’

I’ve had an extremely difficult time my whole life dealing with this issue. I open my mouth, people laugh. I open my mouth, people make fun of me, I open my mouth, people laugh, I open my mouth, people get mad at me and blame everything on me. I gave up.

I learned the hard way that when I open my mouth to communicate my feelings it never works out. So I stopped.

I questioned my feelings my whole life? Am I wrong? Am I overreacting? Am I being ridiculous? Am I acting like a 4 year old child? Should I say something? Should I just let it go?

I question myself all the time.

I’ve learned to keep my feelings inside. I’ve learned to try to process things that hurt me very carefully and then analyze them on my own. I’ve learned that communication will never go the way I want it to. So I just stopped.

I’ve also learned that lashing out with my feelings doesn’t work so well either so I stopped doing that too. I just didn’t know how to handle, or what to do with, all this sensitivity.

Doesn’t anyone understand? Why do they think it’s funny? It’s not. At all. It’s a cross I bear and it’s fucking heavy.

I’m a Libra. I hate confrontation. I don’t talk about stuff, though I probably should. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make anyone mad at me so instead I stew over things. Is it healthy? Nope. Is it effective? Again, nope.

Past experience has taught me it’s better to just keep my mouth shut.

I don’t understand my own feelings and it causes great turmoil inside of me. More than I need. Being…