When Your Life Coach is a Fucking Bitch

And you want to stab her in the eyes with a fork

Image for post
Image for post
Depositphotos

Though I’m not a real ‘certified’ life coach, I do dole out advice and words of encouragement over on my Facebook page (honestly, if you aren’t following it yet get your ass over there). I think life coaches are now a dime a dozen.

Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t shitting on you guys. The world is filled with broken people who need help. That’s where you come in so, kudos!

Anyway.

I think most life coaches are sensible, assertive and offer great life tips and hacks and truly do help people. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say most are probably pretty professional and ‘soft’.

I’m not (though I’m also not a real life coach).

If you come to me with your problems I’m gonna tell you to snap out of it and get your shit together.

I’m gonna tell you to stop fucking whining about your problems and start doing something about them.

I’m gonna tell you to get over that douchebag who hurt you, pull up your big girl/boy panties and move on with life.

I’m gonna tell you if you don’t like your job/spouse/friends, etc then do something about that too.

I’m not gonna lick your wounds or throw a box of Band-aids at you when you are feeling broken and bruised. I’m gonna tell you to do something about that too.

I’m not gonna rub your back and say ‘oh I’m so sorry’ when something went wrong. Things happen for a reason. Life goes on. (though I don’t mean the death of a loved one)

I really am a fucking bitch. But for this simple reason…

For years I was stuck. Trapped. Hated my very existence. Everything was bad. Nothing ever went right for me. For years I whined and cried about my shit life to anyone who would listen. It was pathetic. I was pathetic.

And then I hit rock bottom and my whole world came crashing down on me.

I think everyone should hit rock bottom at least once. It fucking sucks but it sure wakes you up. Fast and hard. There are a million lessons to be learned there that no school will ever teach you. Trust me on that one.

I had to scramble and figure out this thing called life. I had no desire to stay in rock bottom. To me, it was the closest thing to death and I was too young to die. I was only 51 years old. I knew I had so much more life in front of me and if I wanted to be happy it was up to me to start changing things. Fast.

I realized something very important. Change starts with you. If you want a different life, a happier life, it’s up to you to create it and, get this…

You can’t fix your problems with the mindset that created them

Read that one again. One more time. Go ahead, I’ll wait… (insert Jeopardy music).

If you want your life to change you’re gonna have to do shit you’ve never done before. You’re gonna have to smarten the fuck up, quit singing your ‘whoa is me’ song and make shit happen.

I’ll tell you all this and it won’t come out sounding soft and pretty. It will sound just like that. “Get your shit together!!”.

Image for post
Image for post

But you see, when I was waking the fuck up, I used a whole lot of tough love on myself. There was no licking wounds or hand holding. I was on my own to recreate and reinvent my life.

And I did. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, if I can do it, so can you.

So, as your virtual so called life coach, smarten the fuck, quit whining and get your shit together.

You’re welcome.

I love you ❤

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

Written by

Self help Guru|Expat|Website: https://amazingmemovement.com/ mini self help eBook series here: https://books.amazingmemovement.com/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store