Two Suitcases and A One Way Ticket
On the move again
I’m on the move again. Some may say I’m on the run searching for eternal happiness. Maybe. Maybe not.
Does it matter?
Does it matter why any of us do what we do? The answer to that is yes. It should matter to you what you do. And no one else.
Anyway…that’s not really why I’m writing this.
I’m on the move again. This time Mexico. I’ll soon be counting the sleeps until I leave. I’m excited. Scared. Anxious. Lots of things but mostly excited.
What really excites me is that I’ve created a life I love. I can pick up and go wherever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want.
I created this. Me. By myself. The life most people only dream of.
The life most people think is unattainable. Don’t worry I used to think that too until one day I realized that the only reason it was unattainable to me was because I convinced myself it was.
It’s really not.
Some days I still pinch myself. How is this my life?
Oh right. I created it. Wanna know why?
I’m tired of life passing me by
For 52 years I let life pass me by. I turned down so many things life offered me because I was too busy pleasing others. Too busy caged in someone else’s idea of what Iva’s life should be like.
I was too busy trying to fit in, blend in, do what’s right.
I was too busy fucking around and not taking life seriously and I let life pass me by.
I’m not fucking doing that anymore.
I’m not chasing happiness, I’m fucking chasing life. I’m chasing all the missed opportunities and saying yes to the rest of them.
I’m tired of saying no I can’t when I know damn well I can. I’m not fucking doing that anymore
I’m saying yes to this beautiful and free life I worked my fucking ass off to create. I’m saying yes to Iva.
Am I chasing happiness?
I think I talked about this before. They say you can’t find happiness in people places or things. And they’re right (whoever they are). You can’t. Happiness is inside of you and you should be able to be happy no matter where you are and with who you are with. Right?
Well, yes and no. See I have a problem with this theory ( I think this is the part where I get hypocritical).
If you are somewhere and feeling unhappy it is up to you to move. I’m not talking about cities or countries I’m just talking in general. If you’re at a party or in a small gathering and you aren’t having fun, don’t like the conversation or the company or whatever, you leave.
You excuse yourself and walk away. Move on to something else. No?
Why? Because your happiness is important and if something isn’t making you feel happy or be happy then you move on.
I’ve been in Guatemala for 4 years now. The last year I haven’t really been happy. I’m missing something. I’m needing more. I’m starting to feel caged again.
Even though this place is fucking beautiful and I truly do love it here, my happiness has taken a nose dive. Sure I love my life and I’m happy with my life, I’m just not happy with my life in Guatemala anymore.
Life is nudging me. It’s saying ‘hey Iva, remember all those fucking years you missed out on shit, don’t do that anymore, ok?’
And I promised life I won’t anymore. I’m not missing out on experiencing new things, meeting new people, volunteering at new organizations, and leaving my mark somewhere else.
I’m not missing out anymore.
Does that make sense?
Here we go
So I’m packing my two suitcases, my laptop, already bought my one way ticket and I’m on the move again. I have no clue how long I’ll stay in Mexico. I had no idea I would be here in Guatemala for 4 years.
That still shocks me.
I’ve created the life where I can pack up and go whenever I want because I’ve wasted enough time living a life for other people. Living a life of lies, unhappiness, frustration and hurt.
There is much to see, places to go, people to love. All over the world. And I’m not missing out on any of that anymore.
Am I chasing happiness? Fuck no. I’m chasing life.
xo iva xo