To All the People Who Judge Me


This isn’t just for me, this is for those of you who are constantly judged for who you are and what you stand for.

This is for all of us weird and wonderful people who don’t fit in or belong and get shunned.

This is for those of us who struggle to be who we are without judgment.

Here’s to us.

Some days I’m a badass, some days I’m a softie.

The badass side.

It’s not a completely bad side of me unless you believe that:

  • swearing too much for my own good and
  • drinking way too much tequila one night a week

determines that as a bad side then it’s bad. But really. The swearing is just me. I actually tried to not swear for a whole day and that was the hardest day of my fucking life.

I have a teeny tough girl side I guess. Sometimes I can get in my “don’t fuck with me” attitude and then spot a cute kid on the street and turn into Mary Poppins in a split second. So I dunno.

The “bad” side is really more of a bad-ass side. Like, I’m not a bad girl and I don’t break many laws (many being the key word here) and I’m not mean to people or anything like that. I just have this little ‘tude thing going on sometimes (and I seriously swear an awful lot).

The softie side.

Ah and then there’s the butterfly Iva. The “I love everything and everyone and don’t judge” person. The girl who would do anything she can to help you even if it meant giving you my last dollar or my last morsel of food.

The softie is the girl who takes as much as she can from her income, every month, and buys food for the hungry. The good side is the girl who would gladly lend her ear if you needed someone to talk to.

The softie is the girl who gets on her knees every morning to say Thank You God for another day and to ask for guidance and strength when she needs it.

So who am I anyway and why does it matter?

The struggle is real. I still, though I know I really shouldn’t, question myself about my actions. Should I be swearing like that? Should I be drinking that much? Should I seriously be going into the whore house on a drunken Saturday night?

Shouldn’t I be conforming to society’s rules?

What will the people think?? What will the people think? What will the fucking people think?

I don’t care!!!! (shit, but I do)

Be a good girl. Well, dammit, I AM a good girl.

I do good, I feel good, I radiate good, I give out good and receive good.

I also like to go out once a week and totally let loose and have fun and be free and enjoy life. I also like to get inked. You know what, while we’re at it, I even smoke weed and have been known to do blow (don’t any of you even think of gasping here).

We’ve all done something that doesn’t conform to society.

So what of it?

So this is what gets me. I struggle with the “who am I anyway”? Am I a badass with a soft side or softie with a badass side? Which side of Iva should I put on today? Do I have to tame the lion in her today or will she behave on her own?

Do I have to be careful of who I am because, you know, ‘what will people think’?

Because the people, they want to point fingers and talk. They want to bash and trash me. They want to stir up controversy.

WHY do people want to look at me and then snub their nose because they think I’m trash solely based on my appearance and tattoos?

WHY do people want to mock me because I closed up a business and declared bankruptcy?

WHY do people want to point their fingers and whisper behind my back “oh you should have seen her Saturday night, she was so drunk!!”

WHY do people have to talk about that time you heard me yelling at the tuk tuk driver to “learn how to fucking drive you douchebag” yet the other day I was coming out of Church pretending like I’m some ‘good Christian’ (eye roll)?

WHY do you want to call me a hypocrite because, yes, I do slam back tequila and smoke weed and yes I go to Church. Does that make me a hypocrite? I have a newsflash for you: God doesn’t judge and He’s really happy to see me.

Why are you people wasting your time judging me? Do you have nothing better to talk about? I mean, I’m flattered that I’m the center of attention in your gossipy little world but could you talk about the good stuff instead please?

And wait…are you perfect? Have you done no wrong? Have you reached sainthood?

Oh and by the way, did you happen to notice the world is full of negativity and the world needs more love and not jerks like you who like to spread rumors?Oh, get this, did you know that change starts with one person?

For those of you who love to point fingers and whisper and spread rumors, I’d tell you to walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me but you wouldn’t have the balls to handle it so fuck you.

I am me.

I am a good person. I love who I am. I think I am beautiful inside and out.

I fucking love my life. I fucking love people. I laugh a lot. I smile a lot. I cry a little. I love being alone. I love being with my friends.

I love adventures. I love tequila and margaritas. I love kids. I love God. I don’t hurt people. I forgive. I trust. I love. I don’t hate.

I love really loud music and singing at the top of my lungs. I like fast cars and UFC. I also love Vikings. I love animated movies as much as I love horror movies. I pray about three times a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. I swear a whole fucking lot.

I…I think you get it now…


I’m not conforming. I’m not going to show up how society expects me to. I’m not playing your ‘let’s be perfect’ fucking game. I’m not gonna fit in your box.

So what’s the point of all this?

Be YOU. Don’t try to FIT in or blend in. Do what makes your heart happy. Do what makes YOU happy. Be a badass. Be a good person. If you already are, keep at it. Live your life for YOU!.

Break rules. Be daring. Live on the edge. Do shit that absolutely terrifies and excites you at the same time. Be ballsy. Do that thing that you’ve always wanted to do. Break chains. Throw the book out! Liberate yourself. Follow your heart. Fulfill your purpose and passion.

Tell someone to Fuck Off! (ok wait, maybe don’t do that)

Shove that box up their ass! (ok wait, maybe don’t do that either)

You get my point. This is YOUR life. Do YOU! The way YOU want. Forget about the people who judge you. Forget about the people who talk shit about you behind your back.

You are living your life for you, not them. Most of them don’t even have their own shit together. Don’t worry about them.

I want you to stop caring what people think of you. I want you to stop caring what the fucking neighbours think.

Because life is TOO damn short and FUCK what everybody thinks or says. Go Live!!!

(phew, wait, was that a rant?)

I love you ❤

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

Self help Guru|Expat|Website: mini self help eBook series here:

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