Today I’m tired. Mentally. I feel like there is just this dark hollowness between my ears (no comment from the peanut gallery on that one please 😜) I’ve been sitting staring at the blank screen for far too long.
I got nothing.
I’ve been grasping at straws all day. I’ve been checking all the irons in my fire. None of them are even burning a little. The straws are too short. I’m lollygagging now.
Dinner is cooking. It’s late, almost 7 pm. I haven’t really produced very much today at all. My Facebook page is empty and I’m losing followers daily.
(dinner’s ready back in a bit)
I shut down over dinner and let my mind wander naturally on its own. I can’t force it to think things. When I do that, I feel I’ve fallen into desperation mode and I won’t let that happen to me. Not tonight.
Coffee is ready and I’ll smoke some weed tonight. I need to remind myself that I’m not a machine. I’ll put on some zenned out bullshit on YouTube in hopes that it will calm my already empty mind.
I’m not a machine. I’m a human being.
I need to remind myself that I need chill time. I can’t keep pumping out shit (well that came out wrong) and producing stories or blogs when my mind is empty. Nothing good will come of that.
I need to remind myself that self care is so important. Especially when you work 7 days a week, sometimes 12 hours a day.
I need to remind myself that it’s ok to do nothing. It’s ok to sit back in peace and quiet and reflect on life and all the happy things in my life.
I’m not gonna be hard on myself tonight.
(looks like I have something to write about after all)
Tomorrow is another day. Today I did the best I could. It may not have been very good at all but for today, it’s ok.
I watched some SEO tutorials this morning ( I know, I have such an exciting life) so I feel all is not lost or wasted.
I have to honour and love myself. I have to take care of myself. I have to respect the fact that sometimes I got nothing and that’s ok.
You’re not a machine either. You are doing the best you can right now in this very moment and that is good enough. Don’t beat yourself if you didn’t get something accomplished today. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you didn’t actually follow through on any of the plans you made today.
It’s all ok.
So tonight I will chill out because I don’t know what else to do. And chilling out is enough for me, for tonight.
Tomorrow I’ll be back on track, or maybe I won’t be. I’ll worry about that tomorrow. Not right now.
For now, I’ll do nothing and enjoy it. I’ll spend time with me listening to some chill out music and appreciate the fact that I’m alive and so wonderfully blessed with the life I have right now.
This is what I do when I don’t know what to do.
Nothing. And that’s perfectly ok.
It’s ok for you to do nothing too.
I love you
Peace and Love
xo iva xo