I’m single and in all honesty, for the most part, I enjoy it. Really I do. After 30+ years of fucked up relationships and having to take care of kids and parents and partners, I’m done. Really done. Like, this whole being single and living alone thing, I’m really really lovin’. I am. For the most part, happiness has finally found center stage in my life.
But, living the single life isn’t always a barrel of laughs either. Loneliness creeps in sometimes.
The Good Part/Happiness
Oh there are many. So many in fact I would probably have to write a book about it. First and foremost, I get the whole fucking bed to myself every goddamn nite!! Yes this is an exciting part but you’re probably thinking there has got to be better perks than that. Why did this perk make the top of the list?
Because I was tormented almost every night by a narcissistic asshole that made sure when we went to sleep I dare not move a muscle or breath/cough or sneeze the wrong way because I would be yelled at, belittled and bullied.
So, ya, sleeping alone is sheer bliss and it has been every single fucking nite since I left him.
Another good part is that you can just up and go do whatever you want at the drop of a hat not having to worry about someone else. Not having to answer to anyone also is really blissful.
I can eat whatever the fuck I want, whenever. Mini-Wheats for supper? Oh hell ya!
Anyway I think all the single people reading this gets this. I don’t need to go on and on.
The Bad Part/Loneliness
Again, there are many. I could probably write a book about that too (and why haven’t I written a book yet anyway?).
I miss the random texts from a special someone that just lets me know they are thinking of me.
I miss holding hands while walking by the lake. I miss someone saying “pack a bag let’s go on a road trip” (oh how I miss road trips, even on my own).
I miss cuddling at night with a special someone, having arms wrapped around me so tight that I know, without a shadow of doubt, there will be no harm come to me, right then and there.
I miss forehead kisses, oh how I miss those.
Those are some of the most important ones to me. Those are the sweet gentle times I love and miss. I definitely feel loneliness creep in then.
These are things I am now finding myself thinking about more than I used to. I am craving them now. Longing for them.
But I sure do love being single. I do. Like I’m at this point where I really really love the life I have created for myself. Is there room in it for a lifetime partner? I honestly don’t know. Part of me wants that so bad, another part of me says noooooooooooo!
Yet there are so many times I wish had someone to share good times with. Here, in person. Someone to be by my side while I dominate the world. So I don’t have to do it all alone.
So What Now? The struggle is real.
Ok, so I really love being single. We established that. I also really miss being with someone special. We established that too. So where do you go from here?
No, really, I’m asking you. Where DO we go from here? Honestly, I have no fucking clue.
It’s like you really want something but then you think “nah, I don’t really want it that bad”. But then you get into one of those lonely funks and you think “oh shit, here we go”. The struggle is real. (or…is that just me?)
So do we solicit ourselves on some shit online dating site to see what we can snag? Is that where we go from here? Test it out, date one or two, see if we like it. See if we are ready to do this? You know, kill the lonely bug?
Do I just let life unfold, knowing the Universe is watching and listening to me every step of the way. Reassuring me that she knows exactly what she’s doing and I just need to be patient and chill out.
Maybe I just need to chill out and let whatever happens happen. Just roll with life. Enjoy it minute by minute, day by day.
You know, just be happy and radiate love wherever you go.
I find great joy and love in my friends and I get tons of affection from the kids in the laneway (ok, I know it’s because they only want candy but really, it’s awesome!). I mean I’m not completely without love and affection. It’s all around me.
and besides, I sure do love being single, but…..
I honestly believe I will find my ideal man who will be perfect for me in every way with one stipulation, he’s gotta have his own place. You know, ’cause that whole bed to myself thing, right?
I would love to hear from the single peeps to find out what your take is on the whole single vs in a relationship (and of course, I’m referring to a healthy relationship) How many of you are still ridiculously happy being single and rarely get lonely? How many of you are ready for that someone?
Bartender, can you make that one a double please.
Peace and Love
xo iva xo