Before I start this ‘rant’ I am writing this the day after this sickening fucking disease took my mom’s self respect, dignity and life. She passed away Tuesday morning, although peacefully, a skeleton of a woman.
- at age 65 she started showing signs of dementia
- by 68 she had had a seizure that put her in the hospital
- she lost all cognitive functioning by that point and was basically a zombie
- she stayed in the hospital until a room opened up in a nursing home
- she was raped by another patient while she was waiting
- in the first nursing home, she was treated poorly
- we finally got her into a lovely nursing home where she then rotted away for over 10 years and finally died.
Nice history, huh? What a disturbing timeline. Such disgrace!
Can you tell I’m a little bit angry? I am. I’m not sure what or who I’m angry with. Everything, God, the health care system, the disease, all the stories about ‘do this to prevent Alzheimers’. Fuck off with your stories.
Lloyd Sparks recently wrote an article about Staving Off Alzheimers and I read it and lashed out at him. He didn’t deserve it. Sorry Lloyd. Wrong place wrong time I guess but still. You didn’t deserve my verbal lashing. I apologize.
I think I’m just angry with everything. Yesterday was a day of mourning. I cried all day. I’m alone here in Guatemala and so desperately wanted to be with my family. I’ll get there on Thursday but I wish I was there now.
Today I’m angry. Tomorrow, who knows what I will be feeling. Relief maybe that poor sweet mom finally crossed over? Who knows.
You know, I get that there are a million and one diseases out there that hit anyone at any time. Cancer, Parkinson, Multiple Sclerosis, Cystic Fibrosis, need I go on?
They all ravage a person’s body in some way shape or form. I’m not going to pit one against the other. They are all horrible and they all suck. Period.
You know what what sucks more? All the fucking ‘do this now to prevent the disease of the month’ stories. They make my skin crawl. I’m sure there is some validity to them. Some.
I don’t know and I don’t care because today I’m fucking angry.
Alzheimers knows no bounds. It doesn’t care who it takes. It doesn’t care about the family members who are affected by it. It.does.not.fucking.care.
I’m sick of reading the ‘we are working on a new drug that will stop….”. Sure you are. I don’t fucking believe you. You’ve been working on drugs for forever and still nothing….just stop.
Just keep taking our money for research and doing shit with it. I’m pretty sure cures have already been discovered. But if you cure all the diseases, then what? Well, you’ll probably be out of a job.
I get it.
You know what they forget to tell you about Alzheimers? The pain, frustration and anguish the family goes through. They forget to tell you that it rips out your heart and leaves you helpless.
They forget to tell you that there are going to be days you want to put a pillow over your loved ones head and end their misery. Yes, you think that.
They forget to tell you that it leaves family angry about the healthcare system and sometimes tears us apart.
They forget to tell you that there will be some days where you want to shake your loved one and tell them to ‘please come back’. Please come back to the person you used to be. Stop this!! Please for the love of God and everything holy...come back to us… I need to talk to you!!!
The other side of Alzheimers is the family left to deal with the anger, hurt, confusion and unanswered questions.
The other side of Alzheimers is the pain and the mess left that the family needs to deal with. And desperately wanting people to understand.
You will never understand what it’s like to watch your parent (or loved one) who used to be smart, well respected, happy, dignified and well loved and admired, slowly turn into a blubbering mess in a diaper. A zombie.
You will never understand what it’s like to wish to have that parent back because there are days when you need your mom/dad to talk to and they aren’t there anymore.
Because some sickening fucking disease took them away from you at a young age.
You will never understand unless you have already gone through it and I don’t wish this, or any other life sucking disease, on my worst enemy.
The other side of Alzheimers is the family, the pain and the hurt ❤
xo iva xo