You know, I gotta admit, this week has been too easy. Almost scary easy. The #1 rule with an addiction and the quitting process is that you can’t get too confident. That’s when you slip. Or maybe that’s just me, I dunno.
But week 2 has come and gone and I only snuck in one cigarette all week. I’m actually really fucking proud of myself. I don’t feel even the tiniest amount of guilt over that cigarette either.
I bought one (because you can buy singles here), I took it home. I actually even forgot about it for a few hours as it sat in my wallet. It wasn’t until dinnertime that I remembered I had bought a cigarette.
After dinner, I pulled it out, went outside and smoked it slowly. To be perfectly honest with you, it wasn’t even that enjoyable. But sure as shit I smoked the whole fucking thing because that’s what addicts do.
That was a few days ago. I don’t even really remember the day. I have a quit smoking app on my phone but because I disappointed it so many times in the past I won’t even bother using it anymore. It does nothing for me (I should probably delete it). I think I even heard it laugh at me once. Whatever.
I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t had any killer cravings this week. I’ve had one or two. I almost went to the store in my jammies one morning (not that I haven’t been to the store in my jammies anyway) just so I could smoke with my coffee.
I didn’t, the craving passed and I had another Yay me moment.
I’m really loving that my hair smells so beautiful all the time. That’s a big thing for me.
I’m really loving that I am not out of breath while walking anymore. I’m also exercising at home again 5 times a week and feel great.
I’m really loving that I just don’t stink anymore and neither does my breath. Cigarette breath honestly is the most disgusting.
I’m really loving that my skin looks clearer and healthier too. Yes I notice this after 2 weeks also because I’ve totally revamped my food intake as well.
So two weeks in, I’m feeling really good, I haven’t stabbed anyone in the eye yet, I haven’t spewed venom at anyone in a crazed maniacal state (though I came close once) and I’m honestly just really grateful I’ve made it this far.
I’m not in the clear yet. Addicts are never in the clear. There’s always that chance, that one time, that one day.
I made it through today and that’s good enough for me.
Peace and Love
xo iva xo