So without having to bore you with all the details of what it was like being raised by mom, in a nutshell, she was physically and emotionally abusive until I finally left the house at 18. You can read more about that in the following article…
The Reason Why I Forgave All the Abusers in My Life.
(disclaimer: this post may contain triggers, tread carefully)
…and a little more here.
It’s Ok Mom, I Forgive You.
And here it is, Mother’s Day is fast approaching. One of the few celebrations of the year I don’t look forward to…
So she didn’t win any mom of the year awards until much later on. As we girls grew up and had kids of our own, she became the mom I always wanted. Though I forgave her for all the abuse, I never ever forgot it. You don’t forget shit like that, no matter how hard you try.
Anyway, dementia set in by the time she was in her early 60’s. We saw the signs. Could it be? Is this really happening to her? Why not my ignorant evil father? Why her?
Mom was always the rock of the family. Sharp as a tack and totally self taught. She immersed herself in current events, reading and learning and even went back to adult school at 60 to learn how to write in English. She really wanted to be able to write her own Christmas cards every year. That never happened.
My father despised her because of how smart she was. He would degrade her constantly. “Oh you think you’re so smart, eh?” She would quip back, all the time, shut up “Henry” you’re just jealous because you’re so stupid. I heard this conversation constantly. I hated it.
At first it was kinda funny. We would find half eaten pies in the fridge, empty wine glasses in the garage, jewelry in jars of Vaseline. Yup. It was kinda comical. We’d giggle secretly.
Then the things she would come out and say. Oh! Mom. That’s not very nice. She would call me a bitch sometimes, tell people to go to hell. Now though this may not seem so terrible, this was coming from a woman who devoted her life to God and the Catholic church, so ya, it was bad. Mom would smack you upside the head if you swore.
Eventually it just got so bad. A couple of years in and we had part time in house care for her. Things like showering, getting her dressed, taking her out for walks. Things my dad would never do for her, ever. He would totally ignore her.
I was afraid, if she wandered out in the middle of the night, would he even bother looking for her or calling us? I had my doubts.
Things started getting really bad at home. She would have seizures and of course, dad did nothing. My sister and I, though we both had full time jobs, would visit the house as often as we could during the day to check in.
One morning mom was still in bed when I arrived. Unusual considering it was late. Dad, sitting in the TV room watching some mindless program, tells me she’s still in bed, she had another seizure, she peed the bed and he threw a towel at her so she could clean herself up.
Oh how I wanted to kill him, literally, right there and then. My hate for him deepened at that moment. You can’t even imagine the thoughts that run through your mind during times like these. None of mine were good.
I checked on mom. She was done. I could tell by the way she was squirming around in bed, this was her last day at home. I called 911.
That was a little over 15 years ago and mom is now a vegetable in a wheelchair, in a diaper, being spoon fed mush and kept alive for God know why.
It’s not funny anymore. We just want her to die now.
It’s making no sense
But we’ll stay here till the end
They shoot horses don’t they?
They shoot horses don’t they?
They shoot horses don’t they? ~Racing Cars
If your mom is still of sound mind and body, love her up. Lots. Phone her and tell her how much she means to you and how much you love her. ❤
Peace and Love
xo iva xo