My father died about 5 years ago (I think, sorry I’m not really sure) and my mother just passed away in February of this year. They both lived full lives, dad was 88 and mom was 83.
He had slight dementia when he died. She had full blown Alzheimers and it was horrible. You can read more about that here:
We patiently waited for years for mom to die. She was rotting away in a nursing home, a vegetable of a woman. It was disgusting and frustrating to say the least.
We all knew that when mom finally went, there was a nice little inheritance for me and my 3 sisters. After she died, we all waited patiently, again, for that to come through.
It finally came through this week and to be honest, I was a little shocked. Also to be honest, I still can’t believe I’m finally not starving poor anymore.
But I had crazy emotions after it arrived. Emotions that honestly surprised me. I just thought, inheritance comes in and I get to live my life and not have to worry about money too much for a while.
That part is true.
It’s the emotions I wasn’t prepared for.
So I want to tell my parents something. I know it’s too late but I’m hoping that maybe their spirits are with me while I write this.
I got my money this week. I was happy, sad, excited, surprised and numb all at the same time.
But most importantly, I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for working your asses off to provide for us.
Thank you for everything you did for us to make sure we didn’t go without.
Thank you for leaving us all with a nice ‘gift’ so that we can enjoy our lives a little more and not have to worry about money for awhile.
I know parenting is hard af especially when you don’t have great role models but you did the best you could with what you knew. Yes I wrote a lot of shit about you guys but that’s my healing and my words help others heal.
I’m not seeking redemption or forgiveness for my stories. I needed to tell them. Others needed to hear that healing is possible. I hope you followed and read all my stories to the end because I did go on to say that you turned out to be good parents in the end.
Anyway that’s not what this is about.
I really just want to say thank you and I know I’ve said it a bunch of times already but I don’t know how else to express my gratitude right now.
(I felt sad when the inheritance came in. I wasn’t expecting that. We had to wait for mom to die (obviously) but to me, she had died years ago. She was simply a shell of a woman for the last 10 years.)
But when it was all finally over, crazy emotions washed over me. I wanted to say so many things to you that I just never did. I wanted you to come back and keep your money.
I wanted you to come visit me in Guatemala and see how I live. I didn’t want your money. I wanted you back. I wanted my old mom back.
The inheritance was supposed to be followed by a closure but I didn’t want the closure. I wasn’t as ready for it as I thought I was going to be. Sure the money is nice, but it doesn’t replace my mom.
I just want my mom back.
Anyway, mom and dad, thank you. Thank you for all you did for us. I know we weren’t always the best kids and I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you when I was a bratty teenager.
I’m really a good kid now 😉
I just want to say thank you but I want to tell you what I plan on doing with some of this money. Mom, I think you will be so proud. ❤
I’m planning 3 volunteer mission trips this year. On my list is Peru, Ecuador and Bolivia.
I’ll be honest, I’m actually even going to take a little holiday just for myself without my laptop. I’ve been working 12 hour days for over 3 years now and I’m kinda tired.
So you can rest easy knowing I’m not gonna piss away the money you worked your whole life to save. I will use it wisely and for the good of others. I may even try to start up my own little mission or shelter. I’m still thinking on that one.
So thank you, mom and dad, from the bottom of my heart. I love you.
Peace and Love
xo iva xo