Life Over 50 Is Not What I Expected

On aging and being afraid of death

Iva Ursano
4 min readMar 25, 2022



Do you remember being 25 and thinking “Oh shit 50 is so old and horrible?” I kinda do. I also kinda remember at 35 and 45 thinking “Oh shit 50 is coming soon! Eeeeep!” And then 50 showed up and I was like, “Oh, shit that happened fast. Now what?”

What happened after that? My attitude changed….a LOT!

You know, my life has had many twists and turns. Many frustrating moments and many wonderful moments. TONS of *what the fuck* moments and just as many *this is fucking great* moments but I have to tell you, in all honesty, 50 kinda scared me. I was certain that by the time I hit 50 it was all gonna go downhill from there.

Yup, I thought that.

Then it happened…

50 came. My ex had a big 50th bash for me. I drank myself into an oblivion and prepared for the end to come. The end of a fun youthful life as we know it. I spent the next little while wondering what the rest of my life was gonna be about.

What will it all be for? What am I supposed to do? What haven’t I done yet and, the bigger question for me was, Is it too late? Did I miss the boat?

What did happen, as time passed, was that I became more aware of who I was, what I had done so far and what I still needed to do. One of the biggest things, what proved to be the most life changing thing, that I had to do was leave my emotionally abusive relationship.

Top of the list it was. And halfway into my 50th year, I did just that.

And so life after 50 began

I started figuring out me and my life. For the first time in my life, I was on my own to find out who I was and what the fuck was I here for. Age suddenly didn’t matter. I was too wrapped up in getting my shit together and discovering my path, my purpose, my passion and living.

I really just wanted to start living. Something I feel I hadn’t been doing.

51 came and then 52, 53, 54 and then the numbers suddenly didn’t really matter anymore. I was finally living and having fun and being me. I was finally me and enjoying this life. The more I lived and enjoyed, the younger and more…



Iva Ursano