If you have read any of my shit you know I’m a free spirit. I dance to the beat of my own drum, I sing my own tunes, I do this thing called ‘whatever the fuck I want’.
For the most part, it has served me very well. I’m pretty happy. My life is pretty sweet. I don’t really care too much what other people think of me. It’s none of my business anyway.
Not only do I do what I want, I’m also pretty vocal. I say what I want, when I want, I share my feelings and my life. I write a lot about that. An awful lot. I do my best not to hurt people’s feelings or piss them off. I’m not mean or evil or ignorant.
Apparently not everyone agrees with this.
Most of my life was caged. Do what they tell you to do. Don’t do this. Don’t say that. Mind your manners. Don’t step out of place.
Yup. I lived like that for almost 53 years. It didn’t serve me very well.
It’s only been in the last few years that I finally found my balls and my voice. And I use them both freely. I pulled up my big girl panties and became the woman I fought to be all my life.
Free. Happy. Bubbly. Optimistic and Loving. Very loving.
I broke the chains and never looked back.
It’s just been in the last little while that many people aren’t so comfortable with this new iva. Who is she and why is she doing this? Where did the old iva go? The submissive well behaved iva. What have you done with her? The people pleasing iva. Can we have her back please?
I’ll tell you what I’ve done with her.
I packed her bags and sent her away. I told her not to come back until she was braver, stronger, learned her lessons and was ready for freedom. Freedom to be who she has been dying to be all her life.
I bitched slapped her to next Tuesday and told her to smarten the fuck up and start living life on her own damn terms.
I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook some sense into her. “Be yourself for fuck sake” I screamed at her. “Don’t worry about what the others think. This is your life dammit”.
She dug deep into her life, threw out what no longer worked and worked on what she needed to do.
I realized I can’t make everyone happy and it’s not my job to do that. I also realized that this carefree and somewhat vocal new iva is gonna piss a lot of people off.
I can’t do anything about that. My attitude isn’t the problem. The problem is your problem with my attitude and I can’t do anything about that either.
I can’t live my live for you anymore. I can’t play your ‘play nice’ games anymore. I found my voice and I need to use it. My voice helps people grow and heal.
I’m sorry that pisses you off.
I need to be me. I need to be the woman I’ve been dying to be all my life. If that makes you uncomfortable or angry, sorry, not sorry. I can’t live my life for you anymore.
I just can’t. It hurts too much.
I’m not living my life for you anymore. I’m living my life for me. I have a message, many messages for the world to help them heal and grow. The world needs that. The world needs patience and love and understanding. The world needs hope and love.
And I’m here to give the world all that and more. Sorry it makes you uncomfortable.
I’m not like the others anymore. I’m iva now. Love me or hate me, your choice. ❤ I only hope that one day you can understand, appreciate and love me like you used to.
I love you ❤
Peace and Love
xo iva xo