We were pretty tight. I mean, inseparable kinda tight. If ever I was away from her for more than 5 minutes anxiety kicked in. She had a death grip on me. She was addictive. I became co-dependent and she knew that. I could almost hear her laughing at me, it was almost a maniacal kind of shriek.
She knew. She knew I couldn’t live without her. Bitch.
One day the anxiety got so bad I knew something had to stop. It was taking over my life.
Now before I go on, know that I am not one of those people who checks her phone a million times when she’s out with friends. Nope I won’t unless I’m in the middle of something work related and being the Canadian I am, I will apologize profusely to my peeps, tell them it’s work and try to keep it as brief as possible.
However, first bathroom break I get, the phone comes out and I do the Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest routine. What’s going on, what did I miss, who said what and omg did she really just say that?
Yup. Gotta get my fix right?
She comes to bed with me every night too. Of course she does!! We’re inseparable, remember? I can’t possibly sleep “alone”!! She gets checked a million times a night. Every time I turn around and slightly awaken, she gets loved.
And then one day it just happened….
One morning I woke up groggy as I usually do because who the fuck sleeps when you’re up that often loving up an electronic device? Certainly not this girl. I woke up dazed and confused. What day is it? What time is it? Why do I have a migraine AGAIN? Oh what did I miss while I was sleeping for 45 minutes?
And then it just donned on me. I was in a toxic relationship, again, but this time it was an object. I had allowed an object to control my life and it was starting to break me down and wear me out. I was tired of this fix she had on me and it was time I took my life back.
I made the decision, put my phone down and told her under no circumstances, was she to ever come to bed with me again. It was over. We are breaking up. I explained to her I need to sleep! I need my beauty rest! I need to stop having so many fucking migraines (though she insists she isn’t the cause of that).
I need to get a grip on my life and this addiction. And I did just that.
It’s been 3 days now and I can’t remember a time I’ve ever slept so peacefully. Full of joy, energy and optimism for the day ahead. She’s ok with the break up. We reunite in the morning ONLY after I’ve had my two glasses of water and my coffee and put my meditation music on. She’s totally ok with that.
I’ve discovered that addictions aren’t just with drugs and food and people. Oh no. There’s a new addiction in town and it’s taking over the lives of many. My advice to all you electronic addicts is to recognize the addiction, recognize it’s taking over your life and possibly harming you in more ways than you think, and make a decision to quit your habit.
Even if only for a couple of hours a day. Unplug and just be.
Omg was that Johnny Depp I dreamed of last night? ❤