I write a lot about my life, my family and my upbringing. A lot of it wasn’t pretty. There was abuse, anger, mental health issues, financial ruins, rock bottom. You name it, I’ve seen it and survived it.
I like to share those stories with you for two reasons. First of all, it’s very therapeutic for me. I feel freer each time I write about whatever shit I went through. Secondly, it helps you heal too.
I like to end my stories on a positive note so you can see that healing is possible and you can live a happy, peaceful life.
Is it time?
I didn’t start writing about my family struggles until about 2 years ago. I really wasn’t so sure I wanted to put it all out there. I mean, you know, the family reputation thing, right?
I started talking a wee bit about my personal life over on my Facebook Lives and soon discovered that sharing my stories of struggle and healing were actually resonating with so many people.
My stories were helping others.
Then I started opening up more and more and realized it was time to start writing about it to reach more people. I realized that people needed to hear stories similar to theirs because they need to know that they aren’t alone and a real person (like cute little me) can help them get through it.
Unfortunately, not everyone thinks this is a good idea…
…like, my family.
I’ll be honest. I was slightly afraid of confrontation (the Libra in me) and backlash from my sisters. But then I thought, surely they don’t read my stuff. Does anyone in my family ever read my stuff? I couldn’t imagine this.
But I did prepare myself in case someone spoke out.
‘These are my stories’ I would tell them. ‘These are the things that happened to me and there are people around the world who need to hear my stories to heal’.
I knew what the response would be to that.
‘It doesn’t matter and I don’t care. It’s making our parents look horrible and no one needs to know our private family business’.
Boom. There it is.
No one needs to know the private family business.
I beg to differ. Sorry, not sorry. I don’t care how mad you are at me, I actually don’t even care if you ostracize me. The world is changed by your example, not your opinion.
Anyway, I was soon to find out that yes, in fact, someone in my family does read my stuff.
And then this happened…
Mom finally went to heaven in February of this year. I debated on whether or not to go to her funeral. I said goodbye to her a long time ago.
But I went…and all hell broke loose. Ok maybe it wasn’t that dramatic. You can read more about that here…(you really should).
Aunts, uncles, sisters, brother-in-laws, nephews and cousins ostracized me. Though I was shocked and stunned to be treated like this at my own mother’s funeral, I had a sneaky feeling why it was happening.
What shocked me even more was what I was to find out a day later.
So this was the blog that was read by one family member and she took it upon herself to share it with everyone in the family.
To All the Mothers Who Don't Deserve to Be Honored.
So another Mother's Day is here. I'm a mom. My son loves me to the moon and back. He's a good kid but he's also really…
Now if you take a minute to read the blog, the whole blog (unlike some people) you can see how I closed the blog on a positive note because I always do.
Not everyone caught that OR they were so pissed with the secrets I shared they couldn’t see past the rage to get to the good stuff. According to one family member, one aunt (my mother’s sister) was so disturbed by this blog she couldn’t sleep at night.
As a teenager, I would often lay in bed at night wondering if this was the night my dad was going to come downstairs and whip me for whatever fucked up reason he had.
Oh, I guess she didn’t read that blog.
But you can’t sleep at night because I wrote about a truth. Awe. You poor thing.
And apparently another aunt wanted to strangle me she was so mad at my words.
You want to strangle me because you are so mad I wrote a story of truth to help others get through hard times? Good luck with that anger. Lemme know how that all works out for you.
So keeping secrets is a good thing?
Ok so lemme get this straight.
It’s ok to be physically abused as a teenager but it’s not ok to share your stories to help others heal?
It’s ok to brush all the dirty ugly truths under a rug but it’s not ok to recover from them?
It’s ok to keep your fucking mouth shut about what you went through but it’s not ok to find your voice and use it help others?
Did I get that right?
So everyone in the world should just shut up about their pasts and never share their stories to heal and help the world heal?
So everyone in the world should just stay angry and broken full of secrets, hurt and pain?
You’re kidding me right?
What example are you setting?
You know, I pride myself on setting a good example. The world needs more people like me (the only time I may ever blow my own horn). The world needs more people who will share their stories to help others around the world heal.
The example I am setting is a healing one. What’s your example? Hide behind your dark, filthy secrets and stay angry, broken and shattered?
Does keeping secrets in the closet actually help anyone? Can you imagine if everyone in the world did that? No one would heal. No one would be free. Everyone would be full of hate and anger.
The whole world would be a dark angry ugly place.
Is that what you want? How can you possibly think this is ok? What’s wrong with you?
Keep your mouth shut
Go ahead and keep your fucking mouth shut. Go ahead and keep your ugly secrets in the closet. Go ahead and continue to live in the broken, dark and toxic world you live in.
Take a deep hard look at yourself in the mirror and tell me if you’re happy with what you see staring back at you.
You can keep your mouth shut and keep your secrets to yourself.
I choose not to do that.
I choose to speak, share and inspire people around the world to forgive and heal.
The world needs healing and forgiveness. Not secrets and lies.
I’m sorry, not sorry, my stories bothered you. The inconvenient truth has set me free. It has set me free from all of you. Your negativity, your toxicity, your hatred and anger.
But I forgive you and I wish healing for all of you. May you one day find the peace your heart and soul so desperately long for.
Peace and Love
xo iva xo