People pleasers raise your hands. 🙌It’s ok. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. There are more of us out there than you think. I’m in recovery now and I’d like to report, it’s actually going very well. More on my recovery later.
In the last 15 years or so, I would jump through hoops to please people. All.the.fucking.time. I did everything for everyone except for myself. I say in the last 15 years because before that I was a miserable selfish bitch. #truestory. You can read about that nonsense here:
How Being a Bitch Totally Changed My Life.
My name is Iva and I used to be a mean girl. There, I said it.
While I was working on bettering myself I had to convince people I wasn’t that bitch anymore. In order for me to do that I went above and beyond people pleasing.
It was exhausting with little to no reward. Reward meaning, I never felt satisfied personally. I just felt like I was selling my soul over and over again. Because that’s exactly what I was doing.
I desperately wanted people to like me. I had spent years with enough haters and trust me when I say that’s a horribly sad place to be. I didn’t want to be there anymore.
Anyway, I carried on like this for years. I honestly didn’t ‘wake up’ until sometime last year. The final straw happened on my Facebook page. It was a light bulb moment for me.
I realized I had been setting myself on fire to keep others warm for far too long. I was done!
(are you ever typing something and it looks like you’ve just typed a semi colon and you wonder why you just did that and then you look closer and realize your monitor is dirty….or, is that just me?)
Anyway last year I had to ban a friend/follower from my Facebook page because I was tired of her complaining about me using the word fuck in some of my image quotes. I tried to respect her and if she happened to pop on one of my live-streams, I would honestly make a conscious effort to not say fuck. Just for her. Yup.
Then one day she makes yet another comment on one of my image quote posters to tell me I ruined it with the ‘eff’ word.
Fuck you and the horse you rode in. I’ve been biting my tongue for too long to please you and you still complain. Bye Felicia!!
But this incident made me realize something very important. I was a hardcore people pleaser and it was not serving me well. At all. People were taking advantage of me. People were walking all over me. People were being mean to me. And I was letting them.
I started my own therapy. I found my voice (you should all be afraid now). I started saying ‘no’, sometimes followed by an ‘I’m sorry’ but only depending on how Canadian I was feeling that day.
I found my voice and started using it. Not only that, I started being true to me and my values. I grabbed a thick black magic marker and drew a big motherfucking line around me. People pleasing does not exist beyond this line. Ever. Anymore.
It wasn’t easy to do that though. For years I was a ‘yes’ person. I said yes to everything freely and easily because I felt like I had to. Redemption if you will. Learning how to say ‘no’ was hard. It felt wrong, I felt guilty and it made me sad….until…Felicia.
I slowly found my voice. I tested it out. I would whisper a barely audible ‘no’ every now and then and brace myself for the backlash. It never came. Phew. I started speaking out against things that were wrong. I stopped agreeing with everyone just to fit in and be liked.
Now I do me (well that came out wrong) authentically and if you don’t like it, guess what? idgaf. I’m a damn good person and I am tired of going against everything I believe in to make you happy. Fuck that.
People pleasers unite here!!
- I need you to stop doing that.
- I need you to stop being a doormat for everyone.
- I need you to find your voice and start saying ‘no’!!!
- I need you to hold your values close to your heart.
- I need you to go buy a big black magic marker and draw your boundary line thick.
- I need you to respect and honour that line and make sure everyone around you does too!
- I need you to take back your life and stop being a people pleaser.
- I need you to send red licorice…..oops sorry.
People have suddenly learned to respect me more. Shocker! People now know my limits and they don’t push them anymore. And I am free as a bird, living my true self and happier then ever.
The only people pleasing I’m doing now is for myself. 😁 I need to be happy. I need to do things that please me first.
Be true to you.
I love you.❤
Peace and Love
xo iva xo