Enough With the Bullshit Positive Affirmations

Try these in your face ones instead :)

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Life is serving you nothing but lemons right now and half of them are rotten. You can’t even make lemonade out of them, let alone take a shot of tequila with them. Damn. Seems to be the story of your life. One shit thing after another.

You find yourself absorbed in positive affirmation quotes on Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and all other social media sites because, really, that’s where all your answers lie, right? You drown in a sea of rainbows and unicorns, magic and butterflies. Fluff and flowers.

Is it helping though?

You know something has got to change. Anything. Your song is old and it’s boring. Your friends can hear you whining before you even enter the room. They know what they are in for. They are tired of listening to it and surprisingly enough, you are tired of singing the same song.

When is this life gonna turn around? Why does it have to be so hard all the time?

Newsflash for ya. It doesn’t have to be so hard and it will turn around when you decide you’ve had enough. Until then, here are some badass in your face quotes that should help you get a grip.

Now before you think I’m a mean girl or nasty, lemme tell ya, when I was going through my dreadful time (hello rock bottom), though reading some inspirational posters did help a little, I was in desperate need of smack upside the head kinda affirmations.

So I made some up myself that I used all the time. No fluff here. No rainbows or unicorns. Nope this girl needed tough love and I gave it to myself.

  1. If you want change, then hurry up and fucking change. No one is going to do that for you.
  2. When you get tired of hearing the sound of your whine, you will know it’s time to start doing something about your life. Until then, nothing will happen. Stop whining!
  3. You’re not waiting for the right time, you’re simply afraid. Fear is keeping you from your dream life. Saying you are waiting for the right time is just a bullshit excuse.
  4. Stop your fucking pity party and start doing something to change it!
  5. The more you say you can’t the more you are going to start believing it. I got a better idea. Start saying you CAN and watch what happens. Capiche?
  6. How about you stop blaming others for all the shit in your life all the time and start taking responsibility for your life?
  7. Of course it’s scary! Life is scary and so far you ain’t doing too bad of a job. Face your fear.
  8. I can’t help you. Nobody can. The only person who can help you is you. Go help yourself!!
  9. The only way to get what you want in life is to get off your arse and make it happen! ~Steven Aitchison
  10. You can handle whatever shit life throws at you. You are stronger than you think. Pull up your big girl/boy panties already!
  11. Spread more love and less hate please. The more hate you feel, the more hate will show up and stay in your life. Don’t be a hater. Stop hating your life and all the shit in it. Start loving it.
  12. Life has an expiration date. The problem with that is, we don’t know when it is. Smarten up and go live. Stop flatlining!!
  13. Don’t cry about yesterday. It’s over. Do something today to make your tomorrow better. Just stop crying over yesterday’s shit.
  14. If you don’t like the toxic people in your life, get rid of ’em. Period!
  15. You control your life. Not your family, your partner or anyone else. If they do, it’s because you are letting them.
  16. Stop talking about it and just do it for fuck sake.
  17. The longer you talk about your problems, the longer they will stay. Do yourself a favour and start talking about solutions.
  18. I got this far because my desire for a better life was stronger than my desire to stay in misery.
  19. It doesn’t matter how many times you got pushed down, get up!! Keep getting up. Don’t stay down. Show them how strong you are.
  20. Yesterday sucked. I get it. You were hard done by. We all were. Forgive, forget, fuck it and move on. Life is too damn short.

You know, sometimes you don’t need someone to rub your back and tell you everything is going to be ok. Sometimes we need someone who is going to smack us upside the head and tell us to snap out of it and grow a pair. It’s time. Do it. You so got this shit.

Tough love sure has its benefits. Bartender, another shot please.

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

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