Desperately Looking For the Good in a Narcissist

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Photo by Esther Tuttle on Unsplash

I’m no stranger to dealing with narcissists. My mother was one as were a few of my boyfriends. For some reason, they gravitate towards me. Or wait, maybe I’m still learning how to repel them? Either way, I’ve had my fair share in my life. I was fortunate enough to get away from all of them.

…but every now and then…

How’s your self worth these days?

You know, after every narcissistic encounter I always find myself having the “talk” with myself. Iva you knew that’s what they were, why did you continue? Iva why do you keep attracting, or allowing, these people in your life? When are you going to finally realize you are worthy of so much more?

I can’t say that I beat myself up over it but it comes pretty close to that. Independent of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve been through, it seems I still have a long way to go and so much more to learn. Not only about boundaries and setting healthy ones, but also about my self worth. For some reason, it just always manages to fall to the wayside.

Learn the lesson already.

Seriously, how stupid can I be? I wonder how long it will take me to finally catch on to this lesson. Narcissists are no good for you. You are worth more. Run away.

You gotta admit, that’s a pretty solid lesson. It’s kinda in your face. So what’s my problem? Why am I having such a hard time with this one?

I see life and just about everything in it through rose coloured glasses. I flitter around like a butterfly, sprinkling pixie dust and smiles everywhere I go. I’m also a Libra so in all honesty, I’m screwed no matter how I look at it.

Why? Because I strive for peace and harmony, I despise conflict and I hate being the one who has to take the assertive action to stop things.

With that said, I let people walk all over me. Pathetic, I know.

There’s good everywhere, isn’t there?

Of course there is. Even in really bad things, there’s good. I look for the good. I find the good. When I do that, it’s easier for me to turn a blind eye to the bad, no matter how much it hurts. I’m really not that stupid.

Narcissists aren’t totally nice people, but they’re not totally evil either (don’t throw rotten tomatoes at me…this is my opinion only). There is good in everyone. Even if it’s just a teeny sliver of good, it’s there.

See, I focus on that. I hold on to that. I cling to it in hopes that this person will also see the good and maybe change a wee bit. Ha!! Did I just say that? Hope they change because I see good in them. Is that like a control thing?

Hello my name is Iva and I’m a fixer.

I’m not really, though I think I am. Mind you, at this stage of the game, I am finally realizing that I can’t fix people, no matter how hard I try. I need to accept them as they are and either move on or stick around for whatever shit comes my way.

I so desperately want to fix people and make them see their mean ways. Make them see and understand how their actions hurt people. Why can’t they see this?

If only they would just listen to me.

But I can’t and they won’t. I’ve learned to accept that. The only fixing to be done now is the inner healing work.

Heal my wounded heart please.

I’ve come to realize that many of the narcissists in my life grew up with narcissists. That’s the only behaviour they know. They think it’s ok. They also don’t care much about hurting people’s feelings. They also need love and I’m really good at giving love.

Still, I have to remind myself of the lessons that were laid out for me and to learn them. I also have to work more on my self worth.

For me, the healing is in the growing, learning, identifying and loving myself a little more. It’s about learning self care and honouring myself. It’s about loving my heart and who I am. Reminding myself that I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’m just a woman that loves to give love and give everyone a chance to be good. I take all the goodness and fond memories with the narcissist and move on. I hold only the good in my heart now. The bad has no place there.

The healing comes in loving and forgiving. Not only the narcissist but myself as well.

That’s where the true healing takes place.

Looking for an inspirational and motivational in your face no bullshit kinda podcast? Check this one out (it’s me!! 😜 )

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

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