Declaring Bankruptcy Doesn’t Make You a Loser

I have no problem asking people for help. I’m not afraid to ask for help with anything. Help with my website, blogging, my hair, my car, moving, etc. You name it, I’ll ask for help. Especially that one time my world collapsed, and I lost just about everything.

I never used to ask anyone for help ever. That changed quickly. Declaring bankruptcy opened my eyes in ways that I never imagined.

As I got older, I realized that people like to help. More than you think. I soon found this out when I decided to buy a business. Something I had never dreamed I’d be doing in a million years. But I did and I had no clue what I was getting into. I relied on my friends and new business colleagues for tips and tricks……

but I didn’t listen.

Business do’s and don’ts

I went in totally blind AND totally alone. I didn’t know a single solitary thing about being a business owner. I thought I could figure it all out on my own. I’m a smart woman, right? I’ve got a great attitude and can talk to anybody and everybody. I got this!

I joined networking groups, business groups with women, taught myself how to connect with people on social media sites, you name it, I did it. I did it all, except ask for help. Oh sure, there were a handful of times when I actually had no choice but to ask for help, mostly financial, but for the most part I did this on my own.

Three years later, I closed the doors on the business, 6 months later I was declaring bankruptcy and shortly after that, I closed the doors on the worst relationship of my life.

The aftermath of declaring bankruptcy and my shocking surprise.

I hadn’t realized how important my friends were until my whole world came crashing down around me. Business failed, declaring bankruptcy and then relationship failed. I had nothing left in me, emotionally, materialistically or financially.

I was done.

This fiercely independent woman suddenly needed someone, anyone. Much to my surprise, my friends were all there, on the sidelines, waiting for me to ask for help. They had offered so many times in previous years only to get a flat out “No, I can do it myself, thanx” that they eventually just stopped asking.

They didn’t stop caring. I didn’t know that. I never knew that. I was always too wrapped up in myself to see what was going on around me. I had no idea.

When it was time to pack, purge, cry, move, donate and leave one life for another, I had to pick up the phone and make some calls. I wasn’t very good at it. I was kinda scared and, at times, felt sick to my stomach. Swallow your pride, girl. Geesh. I would have rather fallen into a deep hole and disappeared forever.

My friends were there. No qualms, no excuses, no second thoughts. They were just there. It was then I realized they had been there all along. Just waiting for me. They were always there, and I just didn’t see them.

Reach out to your peeps!!

All that time I missed out on the help I could have received. Should have received. Would have received. Ah, the proverbial coulda shoulda woulda, right? What a shame. What a lesson!!

Asking for help, to me, was showing weakness, admitting defeat and failure. That’s not at all what it is and it took me all this time to finally figure it out.

Asking your friends for help is simply allowing the people in your life to be and stay part of your life in a more positive, productive and interactive way. (I’ll have to use that description next time I need help moving ..hehehehe)

They were with you through the triumphant times and stayed there through the tragic times to get you up off your butt, pass you Kleenex, indulge in a much needed shot of tequila and see you to victory again. Why would you want to go through that alone when you don’t have to?

Really!! You don’t.

It doesn’t have to ruin you!!

I totally get that declaring bankruptcy can be a real kicker to the self confidence and self esteem but it doesn’t have to put you down and out forever. You have to keep in mind, that whatever it is or whatever the reason is that you have to declare bankruptcy, it’s not a life sentence. You did your best at this thing and it’s time has come to an end. Take the lessons, lick your wounds and move on.

There is always always something bigger and better out there for you. Remember that. Dust off your butt, take some time for yourself and refocus. You’re totally gonna be ok.

I’ve actually declared bankruptcy twice. The first time when I threw my drunken ass husband out the door and I was left a single mother with a stack of bills and then this last time because of my business.

I never once thought I was a loser or a failure. I did what I had to do to survive. Does it feel good to have to resort to such extreme measures? Hell no but I gotta tell ya, I’m very grateful that was an option for me.

Don’t feel so ashamed!

Your friends don’t care that you are in the middle of declaring bankruptcy. As a matter of fact, they don’t really care about your financial status or your riches or what you have or lost. Know what they care about?


If there are people in your life who are pointing fingers at you and whispering behind your back forget about them. You don’t want or need these peeps in your life.

Sadly, many people, who we think are friends, are waiting on the sidelines for us to fail. They don’t want you to succeed. They never did. They rejoice in your demise. Fuck them, all of them (not literally).

Now, your real friends? Ah, they’re gems! ❤

Your friends love you no matter what and just want you to be happy. They want to see you grow and learn and be happy. Forget your shame and embarrassment. There’s no room for it here. You tried something, it didn’t work. Move on and kudos to you for even trying. Most don’t even have the balls to do that!

Your friends, your true friends, will always be there for you. No matter what.

Your real friends are on the sidelines waiting for your call. Trust me on this one. I’d do anything in the world for my friends. I love them to the moon and back. This much love? Oooooooooh it just feels so darned good!!

And besides, doing shots alone can never be any fun!

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

Self help Guru|Expat|Website: mini self help eBook series here:

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