The hostage situation is calming down a bit. Finally. You can read about Day 2 here:
I seriously can’t believe I’ve made it this far. I didn’t hold much hope out for this situation. I was forced to make a decision and I made it in haste because of this:
I don’t usually make hasty decisions. To be perfectly honest, because I’m a Libra, I have a helluva hard time deciding on anything. Ever. So this was decided upon without planning, no counting down days, no preparation. Nothing.
I literally just woke up on New Year’s Day, dying, and realized enough was enough.
And I quit smoking
So I packed it in that day. Day 1 went well. Day 2, not so much. I struggled a wee bit.
Here we are now on Day 10. I actually had to check the calendar because I’m not giving this quit a lot of attention. I’m literally taking it day by day. I’m not confident that I will succeed but I kinda am if that makes sense.
I’ve deliberately been avoiding going out drinking with my friends in the last 10 days. I just don’t trust myself enough yet. Nothing good will come of that. But that’s ok. I’m happy to stay home and write for you guys.
I want this to be a successful quit. Really I do. But if you are an addict you know that sometimes it takes a million times for a quit to actually stick and you are always one puff and one drink or snort away from becoming a full blown addict again.
Is this the one? Probably not. Who knows?
I’m not gonna lie. I’m kinda nervous, scared if you will, that I will smoke again. I’m not that strong yet. I don’t have enough confidence in myself just yet that this time is the last time.
I’m 56 years old. I can’t take much more of this battling back and forth with this addiction. It’s fucking exhausting. It truly is.
So for now I’ll just take this day by day. I’m drinking tons of water and less coffee. I’m exercising again and I feel really good. The best part for me? My hair smells so good!! 😜😁😉
You would think that should be good enough for a permanent quit. It’s not. It never will be.
I train my mind every day to find distractions and I also try to remember to reward myself. I have friends coming in from the states for a week long visit. They all smoke. This will be hard but I have to stick to it. I don’t have much faith but I’m not gonna beat myself up either.
I am going to make a serious effort not to smoke while they are here. Right now, the smell of smoke kinda grosses me out. Let’s hope it stays like that.
I’ll keep you posted on how that goes. Stay tuned for another update on the hostage situation in a couple of weeks.
I love you ❤
Peace and Love
xo iva xo