Change Isn’t Hard, You’re Just Scared

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Elti Meshau on Unsplash

Honestly. I mean, it all depends on what exactly it is you’re changing I guess.

If you’re just changing hairstyles, I know as a woman, as hard as that can be sometimes, it really is just our insecurity about our looks that make this change hard. I don’t mean that in a nasty way either.

We’re attached to our hair, literally, but emotionally as well. We’re afraid the new style will look horrible or your partner may not like it bla bla bla. Hair is hair and the beauty of it is that it grows back. Calm the fuck down.

Or maybe you’re changing jobs. Will the new one suck? Will my coworkers like me? Will I hate my new boss? Will I be good enough for the job?

Change isn’t hard, you’re just scared.

So many times people tell me what they really want to change or do and my question is always, “So what’s stopping you?” Their answer? “Oh, it’s too hard!”

No, it’s not. It’s your mindset that keeps telling you things are hard. Your mind will convince you to be frightened of something. Your mind will convince you to stop doing something because “it’s too hard, you’re too stupid, you’re not good enough, your idea is dumb, you’re a failure.”

Yup. Sometimes, as smart as we are as humans, we sure aren’t that bright when it comes to the things we believe. Especially the made up lies in our head.

When I was ready to trade in my 25+ year career as a hairstylist to become a freelance writer that was scary as fuck. Was it hard? Not really. All I had to do was work on my writing skills and get my work in front of eyes that mattered.

It was slow and steady. I worked 12–14 hours a day cutting hair and then writing for free to make it happen. I was ready for this change, prepared for it, and am still working my ass off to make the transition.

Can I say it was hard? I could, but in all honesty, it wasn’t hard. When you’re desperately wanting a better life, you will do whatever the fuck it takes and not complain one single bit about it.

Sure I worked long hours. I was exhausted. There were even days I was ready to throw in the towel because I thought it actually might be impossible and “maybe this isn’t for you Iva.” Yup, I had days and thoughts like that too.

But I kept plugging away. Determined, optimistic and hopeful. Was I scared? You bet. But I fought back the fear and plowed ahead anyway. The stories fear would sometimes told me were:

  • You’re a loser, you’re never gonna succeed at this.
  • Nothing in your life has ever worked out, why do you think this will?
  • You’re not that good of a writer, why are you doing this?

Those were just a few of the things fear would plug into my head. But I ignored it all and kept at it. My why was really fucking big.

And then my next trick was packing up my stuff and moving to Central America. Oh, how fear desperately tried to stop me from doing that. Talk about big change! Was I scared? You better believe it. But this was a dream I had had for many years and come hell or high water, I was going to realize it, fear or no fear, and I did.

So in the span of 2 years I totally reinvented my life, change careers and left my country, alone. None of it was hard, it was just scary as fuck. But I did it. Why?

Because this is my life and I’ve already spent over 50 years of it catering to everyone but me. Making everyone else happy but me. Doing things for everyone else but me.

It was time for me. For some big bold badass changes in my life. It was time for me to live for me. Time for me to follow my heart, pursue my goals and take those dreams that lingered in the cloud bubble above my head and bring them to life.

That’s my why. So what’s yours? What big badass bold scary changes do you desperately want to make but are too afraid to? You know, this is the only life you got. One chance. That’s it that’s all. If you fuck up now you don’t get a round two. And what I mean by fuck up is keep living in fear and not taking more chances to make your dreams come true.

I shudder to think that if I succumbed to all my fears, I’d still be a hairstylist, working for a dragon lady, in bum fuck nowhere Northern Ontario Canada.

It’s time you faced your fear, grab life by the balls and and show it who’s boss. This is YOUR life. Stop letting fear control you and keep you from making the changes you want.

I love you ❤

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

Written by

Self help Guru|Expat|Website: mini self help eBook series here:

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store