A Lifetime of Narcissists and I Had No Clue.

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

This is a new word for me. Narcissism. To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t even really know what one was. I had to Google the definition. It sounded terrible. From some of the blog headlines I saw, I knew that a narcissistic person was evil. That’s all I knew.

If we’re gonna be honest here, I didn’t even know if I had narcissistic people in my life. Who are they anyway? Turns out I had one or two, or 10. Who knew? Well, apparently not me.

Until I finally found out what it meant. Then the shit got real. It was time for me to figure out how that happened, and to make sure it never happened again. You know, the whole *allowing narcissists into my life, staying in my life and controlling my life*.

Ya, I needed to do some self discovery (again or still, geezus). I needed to go back a few years in my life and see if there was a pattern.

That’s us. The victims. The ones who put up with all that crap for how many years? Oh so many. Funny thing is I didn’t even know there was a name for it. I just thought they were all big meanies.

But they’re more than meanies.

I often thought I must be overreacting. There must be something wrong with me. Am I too sensitive? There’s nothing wrong with their behaviour. Maybe it’s just a result of childhood trauma.

I mean we’re all a little broken anyway right? That’s their way of expressing their brokenness. I express my brokenness through temper tantrums (don’t judge) and crying.

So, anyway, call me naive if you want, I don’t really care but when I realized what narcissist meant (man that’s a hard word to spell) I had several a-ha moments.

Here are 5 of them.

I just thought it was a *thing*. None of us are perfect right? Some people have bigger egos than others. No big deal. Right? But it is a big deal. They are ego driven. Their importance is all that matters. Ever. You take a back seat. All the time. You put them on a pedestal because you love them (and in their eyes there is no other place to be) and you feel sorry for their brokenness.

I had no idea this was narcissistic behaviour.

I just thought they were trying to stand up for what they believed in, passionately. I didn’t realize whatever they got defensive about was actually chipping away at their precious ego. I mean, we all believe in something and stand up for it or protect it but, wow. SO defensive. To the point where they would get enraged. Like, they are right and you are wrong and shut the hell up and stop this conversation now.

I had no idea.

You know, at one point in my life, I was pretty inconsiderate. I mean, I wasn’t a very nice person, but I realized it and changed. I can look back now and chalk it up to being selfish and immature. Narcissists are just plain inconsiderate. Period. They only think of themselves because they are number one, right? See, I just thought that maybe they were raised that way. You know, like only child syndrome.

What do I know?

That’s not even funny and it’s actually pretty annoying. Mind you, I think we all get a little cocky sometimes, amirite? It’s an ugly trait that many of us wear, some of us wear it in fun, really. Others are just plain cocky, all the time. Because they’re right, they’re smart, they’re better than you, they’re perfect, they’re…..jerks, really.

Yup, no clue.

Quite often, there is something else underlying. They aren’t just narcissistic. They suffer from depression, anxiety, seriously low self esteem and self confidence (who knew?) and may have been the victim of bullying in their younger years (childhood trauma, right?) I mean there is so much more to the narcissist that I seriously didn’t know.

I didn’t even know there was a name for this. And then I took inventory of my life and went *Oh I get it now*.

So what do you do about it? How do you get away from it or deal with it? Honestly, I have no answers. I try to see the good in everyone. We all have bad in us and we all have so much good in us. Really we do.

So did I find a pattern? I did. I realized that deep inside of me is that person who wants to fix everyone’s brokenness. I’m that girl. *Here let me fix you. You don’t have to be like this forever. Let’s make you better*.

But you can’t fix people. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to love people. That’s all.

So the bottom line?

Look for the good and if you can’t, then maybe it’s time to just send them love and walk away.

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

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