A Day in the Life of a Freelancer With an Addiction

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Felipe P. Lima Rizo on Unsplash

I often get asked why I work so much. Don’t you do anything else? You sit at your computer up to 14 hours a day and work? Yup, I sure do. I work all damn day but you have to know, I really truly love what I do. For now, I can’t imagine doing anything else except for maybe playing with puppies and kids. ❤

I used to think that a freelancer life was a glamorous one. I’ve seen the pictures. You’ve all seen them.

Image for post
Image for post
Pixabay

Some chick chilling out by the ocean, some sitting in a hammock with a laptop in the mountains with a view of the world. It all looks so glamorous.

It’s not. Not for this freelancer anyway. And before I go on, know that I am in no way, shape or form complaining about my life. I fucking love my life hard. But it’s not glamorous. Not for me anyway. Especially because while I’m working I’m constantly battling addiction demons.

So in case you don’t know, I am currently residing in Guatemala for two reasons: 1) I’m from Northern Ontario and I hate winter and 2) I am here to help feed hungry bellies (which now includes puppies). I traded in my 25+ yr career as a hairstylist for this life. It’s what I wanted, and what I signed up for.

Was I hoping to be sitting in a hammock by the ocean with my laptop writing and drinking margaritas? Mebbe. Anyway, that so doesn’t happen.

A ‘typical’ day for me goes something like this….

Wake up whenever, usually 7 ish, hand on my heart and say thank you to God for another day. Smile, get out of bed, say my morning prayers, (do I have any cigarettes this morning?) scramble to find my jammies and go make coffee.

While coffee is brewing I check the door to see if there are puppies outside sleeping. (shit I don’t have any cigarettes, fuck) This article will explain why sometimes I have puppies and sometimes I don’t.

Turn on my computer, find a good YouTube zen piece, grab my iPad, click on Insight Timer, and chill out for 15 minutes. After that I’ll write in my gratitude journal. Just before I get to the comp I sit quietly for a few minutes and enjoy my coffee (I wonder what time the store opens so I can go buy a couple of cigarettes). This whole morning routine can take up to an hour because….squirrel!!

I frantically test all ecigs to see which one might actually work for me today, puffing like a fiend on all of them and after realizing they’re all fucking dying, I get to the comp and see what happened while I was sleeping (should I just go and see if any store is open now I wonder?).

So now the work starts. Check my Facebook page, check Tailwind, check Pinterest, check Medium (omg I need to smoke..no you don’t Iva no you don’t keep checking your online shit) check emails, check Instagram and check in with my best friend in London, who is 7 hours ahead, to see how her day is going. Check in with my other best friend in Florida, who is 2 hours ahead, to see how his day is going. Another hour gone by.

By hour 2 the cravings are driving me mental. I’ve been up for almost two hours now and it’s just about cigarette time. I suck on an ecig like it’s my life support.

Ok Iva how about we just go exercise for 15 minutes and take your mind off the cravings for now. I work out, I make breakfast (shit I’m really gonna want a fucking cigarette after I eat!) I sit down to eat and read some Medium stories.

Breakfast done (I’m done, I can’t take this anymore) I wash up the dishes, get out of my jammies, throw my hair in a ponytail, get dressed and out the door I go. Once in the parking lot I wonder if I should walk or drive to the store. I walk, puppies find me and suddenly I have company.

Image for post
Image for post

At the store the attendant laughs at me and asks me “cuantos hoy?” How many do you want today? He knows I’m trying to quit. Some days I buy 3, some 5, some days I actually make it through the whole day and don’t buy any (yay Iva).

I sit and smoke outside. That first one is blissful. Peanut waits patiently while I smoke.

Whatever, there’s no such thing as too many puppy pics

We head back home. I buy 4 cigarettes today. That should last me the whole day if I’m smart about it.

Back to work. It’s now about 11 am. Squirrel.

Sometimes I put my jammies back on when I return home if I know I’m not going anywhere the rest of the day. I try to plan out the day.

What is pressing, what can wait, do I have to create images, what do I want to write about today (oh that cigarette was so fucking good). Oh shit Facebook banned me today. There goes the neighbourhood :/

I start writing. I’m in a writing mood. I’m already thinking about when I can have my next cigarette.

Lunch time comes around which is usually around 1 or 2 and, well, minus the puppies, read above. The whole vicious food/cigarette cycle starts up again. Dinnertime, same thing.

So by day’s end, which sometimes is 10:00 pm I sit and wonder: how much work did I get done today? Did I do anything that will actually bring me in any money? How many people did I reach today? Was I successful in getting my message out around the world today? I wonder if I’ll have enough by the end of the month to pay rent and maybe take one family grocery shopping. I wonder if tomorrow will be the day I go without smoking.

I’d like to get out to see my friends this weekend. I never go out anymore. All I do is work and think about smoking. I’ve become addicted to my work too now.

My life is far from glamorous. I work in my jammies most days. I battle nicotine demons all day. I am alone all day. I don’t actually speak to people unless I go to the market and even then some days I can pull that off without conversation.

This is a day in the life of a freelancer with an addiction but trust me when I say, I honestly do love my life (minus that goddamn demon).

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

Check out my super sweet, awesome and new Patreon page ❤ https://www.patreon.com/ivaursano

Written by

Self help Guru|Expat|Website: https://amazingmemovement.com/ mini self help eBook series here: https://books.amazingmemovement.com/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store