5 Things You Should and Shouldn’t Do After a Breakup
It’s break up time. Good grief. You were sure this guy/gal was the one you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Remember those first few months when everything was so beautiful and full of love and roses and sweet love making?
What happened and when did it happen? Breaking up sucks and it comes with tons of grief.
We are now ready to break up, or have already. If there were rules in the relationship that got broken, take note. There are definitely rules in the break up. These rules should not be broken. Ever.
You think you two are going to still be friends. Right? Whose idea was that. Let’s just be friends. It never works. That will only work if you guys live two countries away from each other.
So what are the 5 things you should and shouldn’t do? Pay attention.
Here are 5 rules that will save you a ton of grief.
Delete delete delete.
And you know exactly what I’m talking about. Phone number, email address (unless you need that info for lawyers or children). Any way you can to contact this person, delete it. Otherwise you are just going to end up driving yourself crazy.
Why aren’t they answering your text? How come they are ignoring your phone messages? Did they receive my email? Why won’t they reply? You wanna know why?
Because they know the break up rules and they really don’t want to maintain contact with you. Get the hint. Leave them alone. They’ve moved on. You should too. Stop driving yourself bat shit crazy, and move on.
Read that again. Their friends are their friends. Not yours. Now sometimes it is possible to maintain a friendship with them even after the break up but if you do, do NOT ever ask how your ex is. Actually don’t talk about your ex at all with them and don’t maintain a friendship so you can spy on your ex. That’s just wrong and that’s not very nice, really.
Grow up. Move on.
And I know that’s really hard to do. Trust me I get it. It’s fucking hard to not bash their name to anyone who will listen BUT please refrain. No matter how bad or evil they were. No matter how poorly they treated you. Be the better and bigger person. Remember you stayed for as long as you did because there was some good in there too somewhere.
No bashing. Let it go. Besides, it’s all just negative and toxic energy you are holding on to and spreading. Don’t do that. Please, don’t.
I did this. Oh how I did this. Endlessly. It was exhausting and I’m surprised I have friends left. Don’t call all your friends and whine and cry and complain every day about the break up. If you need to talk about it, call the one or two friends who love you to smithereens and don’t mind listening to you and then have a hug and a drink.
But for the love of God and everything holy, don’t go on and on to anyone who will listen about how bad your life is now that so and so dumped you. You will just be known as the whiner and no one will want to be around you.
Don’t look for a replacement right away.
You know, that whole rebound love thing. Ya, that. Don’t do that. It’s just a bad idea. You aren’t ready for a new love. Whether you think you are or not, trust me, you aren’t. You need to do a little bit of work on yourself. Go over what happened and why. Think about who you are and how you can avoid this kind of thing from happening again.
Plus, you may need to work on some self love. Jus sayin’.
Yes, breaking up sucks. Big time. But if you follow some of these rules, or all of them, the break up may go smoother than you think. Did your partner lie or cheat or abuse you? Some of these behaviours don’t go away without therapy. Never go back to that. You deserve better. Don’t forget that.
How about you write yourself a love letter. We all need to remember to love and honour ourselves while we are going through a breakup. Write yourself a letter telling yourself how absolutely fucking awesome you are and things will certainly get better.
Dear me, I sure do love you.
Peace and Love
xo iva xo