5 Reasons I Stayed in My Abusive Relationship

I’ll admit it, I certainly stayed way longer than I should have. I probably should have turned on my heels at the 3rd month, the first time he lied. But I didn’t. I stuck around for almost 8 more years (ya I know, what was she thinking?). 8 more years of more lies, bullying, emotional and verbal abuse. 8 more years of second guessing, mistrust, walking on eggshells.

Oh, what joy it all was.

In all honesty, I can’t say it was all that bad. I mean, I did stay for 8 years so there had to be some good in all that, no? Sure, there was some good. I didn’t want for anything, really. He had his very caring and loving moments.

He also had his fun and funny moments. We had some good times. There were trips and parties and other fun times.

But….I definitely should have left many times during the 8 years we were together. Many many times. So why didn’t I? Why did I stay for as long as I did?

Why I stayed…

I’m scared

I’ve been here so long now, with him taking care of me and telling me what to do and how to do it and when to do it, how will I ever manage on my own? Where will I go? How can I possibly leave him? Was being scared a good reason to stay? At the time it was for me. Though leaving an abusive relationship is hard to do, being scared of the alternative keeps us there….besides….

I can’t do this without him.

Being single makes me sad

Loneliness sucks. Dating is bull. I don’t want to have to go through that whole dating thing all over again. I can put up with all his crap just so as to not be alone again. He’s not all that bad is he? Besides…

I can’t do this without him.

How do I live alone?

I’ve never lived alone. Ever. I know that sounds ridiculous but honest to God. I’ve never lived alone and I really wasn’t sure if I knew how. The thought of it freaked me out. I don’t want to live alone. I don’t know how. We settle for abusive relationships because being alone sounds scary as heck and….Besides….

I can’t do this without him.

I don’t know how to do things.

For real. How do I plan a day or a weekend or cut veggies or set the table? Do I know how to plant a flower? Of course not. I don’t know how to do much of anything these days. The thought of having to learn how to do any of these things kinda makes me feel awkward. Besides….

I can’t do this without him.

I have nothing.

Not a single solitary thing. I have the clothes on my back and my crazy little canary (he’s dead now though RIP). I have no job, no money, no self esteem, no self worth, no self confidence. I got nothing. Not a single solitary thing. What am I supposed to do and where the hell am I supposed to go? Besides…

I can’t do this without him.

…or, can I?

I gotta go

Can I? Can I just pack what little stuff I have and start a whole new life all by myself? Me and my bird and my low self worth? Can I pull up my big girl panties, hold my head high, and walk out the door with confidence?

Well, one day I snapped. It happened. I had had enough. The breaking point finally came. It didn’t matter anymore that I had nothing. It didn’t matter that I was scared out of my tree. It didn’t matter that I had no clue what I was doing.

All that mattered, at that exact moment, was that I was done. I was so done. It was just time to leave this abusive relationship no matter how hard it was going to be.

All that mattered was that regardless of how scared I was, my happiness was lost and it was time to get it back.

All that mattered was that regardless of the fact that I was just a shell of a woman with no clue what the future held, I was ready and willing to find out.

All that mattered was that it was time for me to find joy, happiness, love, peace and freedom.

Every ounce of me was screaming at me to *please leave*. Just go. Get out now. If not now, when? What are you waiting for? Get out. Girl it is time to leave this abusive relationship. Capiche?

…and I proceeded to write my *Dear John* letter.

…and I left

…and I found joy and peace and happiness and freedom and love, self love to be exact.

…and I haven’t looked back.

Are you staying longer than you should? Are reasons for staying the same as mine?

I sure miss my canary.

Peace and Love

xo iva xo

Self help Guru|Expat|Website: https://amazingmemovement.com/ mini self help eBook series here: https://books.amazingmemovement.com/

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