When I left my last relationship and hit rock bottom I had a shit ton of self discovery and healing work to do. It was messy, dirty, scary and fun. I had to look at the last 50+ yrs of my life and decide what worked, what didn’t and take a look at the next 50+ yrs (call me an optimist) of my life and see what needed to be done.
I used to remember hearing people say ‘life begins at 50’ and wondered what that meant. I totally get it now. Life really does begin at 50. I went through a whole lotta bad shit (and good stuff too!!) for the first 50 years of my life. It was colourful to say the least. And honest to God, I hit 50 and my first thought was “what the fuck am I doing?” I took inventory of my life and these things flashed by.
You’re probably more than halfway through life.
This was a big one for me. Omg. More than half of my life is gone!! What have I been doing? I mean I was living and learning but what had I really done with my life all this time? Anything of any great value? It didn’t seem so.
There are so many more things I want to do.
Travel, write books, speak in public, open homeless shelters. I had a list as long as my arm and I hadn’t even knocked off a fraction of it. I had to get cracking at that. I had (and still have) big dreams and goals to achieve and dammit I’ll do what it takes to make them happen.
I have a purpose and I need to start living it.
I didn’t find it until I hit 52 but I knew without a doubt it was a wake up call. There were things I had to do, people I had to save, hunger and malnutrition to stop and none of that was gonna happen if I didn’t smarten up, wake up and do my part.
I was stuck and frustrated.
I felt this anxiety inside of me that kept poking at me. Almost wanting to scream at me, “hey lady, wake up!! You got shit to do. What on earth are you waiting for”? These signs were starting to come in loud and clear. Feeling anxious and frustrated sure smacks you upside the head.
I was tired of just existing.
I wanted to live. There’s a life to live and I was just existing. There was a life buried in my dream of dreams and I needed to unleash it. Live it, see it, taste it, feel it. It was dying to get out. I didn’t know how much longer I had to live and why the fuck was I simply wasting away when I could be living? There’s plenty of time to flatline when you’re dead Iva.
There’s a free spirit inside that needs to be freed.
I could feel her. Why was I keeping her locked up inside? A spirit inside of me that was crying, I could almost hear her moaning in misery, wanting to be freed. I had to let her escape and live.
The world needs me.
I don’t mean this in an egotistical way. I mean the world is in desperate need of healers, helpers, lovers and kind people and I was one of them. Why was I not sharing all that with the world? The world needs me. The world needs me to lead and set an example for others so more people can wake up and help the world too!
I don’t want to die with regrets.
I can’t, and won’t, be 80 years old, lying in my death bed and thinking “damn I wish I would have….”. I don’t want to be that person. I refuse to be that person. When I’m on my death bed or God forbid in a nursing home, I want to be sharing amazing stories of wild life adventures. I want to inspire people even then.
You only get one shot.
This is it. You’re not going to get another chance to do shit if you didn’t do it while you were alive. Iva, what on earth are you waiting for? Stop pretending and practicing. Get out and live. Why just dream about the things you want to do? Go do them!
Being happy is my birthright and it’s time to start being.
Happiness has been inside of me all this time, also screaming to get out and be released and experienced. I had been miserable for many many years. I did whatever I felt I had to do to get to that place of happiness and man, it was worth it.
So much inside of me woke up. There were people to see and love, joy to share, love to spread, smiles to see and a beautiful life to live. At 50 years old, it was time to do it. It was finally time to wake up and I have never been happier in my life, ever (ok well maybe except the day my kid was born).
Today is the tomorrow you talked about yesterday. Stop making excuses and go live out loud! ❤
Peace and Love
xo iva xo