10 Breakup Rules to Follow That Will Save You a Ton of Heartache
Raise your hands high in the air if you absolutely dread breaking up with someone as much as I do. 🙋♀️ And it’s not even so much the actual breakup. It’s the feelings you have to deal with afterward.
And all the who, what, where, when and why’s. Ugh. So many emotions, so much anxiety.
You were sure this was ‘the one’. A lifetime of bliss and joyful love.
So that didn’t happen and here we are. Writing the dreaded “Dear John, I love you but you’re a jerk and I gotta go” letter. I remember when I had to write my goodbye letter 7 years or so ago I felt like throwing up.
I couldn’t believe I was doing it. We had been together for almost 8 years. 8 years of way too many lows and just not enough highs. I was sure this was the guy I was gonna marry.
Thank God I came to my senses. Phew!
Rules in a relationship get broken
Remember when you first started your relationship and there were boundary lines? There were boundary lines, right? You laid them out nicely and, slowly but surely, one by one, they got crossed.
Though crossing boundary lines should never happen, we put up with it, accept it, and carry on thinking that it’s really ‘not that bad’.
But it is. Those are red flags and you should never ignore them.
If there were rules in the relationship that got broken, take note. There are definitely rules in the break up and these rules should not be broken. Ever.
You think you two are going to still be friends. Right? Whose idea was that? “Let’s just be friends”.
It never works. That will only work if you guys live two countries away from each other. Maybe.
Breaking up is hard to do
We all know how it feels. The break up is brutal. The feelings. The sadness. The anger. Oy. The roller coaster of emotions we have to go through is enough to drive anyone crazy.
I’m no stranger to bad relationships and breakups but in my years I’ve learned a few things that make ending a relationship just so much easier, not only on me but the other guy too ( I think).
You know you made the right decision to end the relationship but that doesn’t make the heartache any easier either. Your heart aches, you want to go back to the way everything was in the beginning. You want all that blissful romance and the butterflies in your tummy feeling back again.
But you know it’s not going to happen.
It’s really hard to try and stay strong and stick to your guns too! The heart, though is such a strong muscle, is also weak too. I feel ya.
We have to remember why we left and we have to remind ourselves that there is definitely something better for us out there.
Sometimes we simply are just afraid of leaving a relationship. Fear of hurting the other person, fear of the future. Fear of the unknown. Fear of having to start all over again and try to find ‘the one’.
It’s exhausting and terrifying.
But breaking up is something you know must be done.
10 breakup rules you should follow
So let’s just get to the rules and I really do hope you stick to some of them or even all of them!! I wrote this for you. To help you move on in peace and happiness.
1 Delete every ounce of them
And you know exactly what I’m talking about. Phone number, email address (unless you need that info for lawyers or children). Any way you can contact this person, delete it. Otherwise, you are just going to end up driving yourself crazy.
Why aren’t they answering your text? How come they are ignoring your phone messages? Did they receive my email? Why won’t they reply?
You wanna know why? Because they are moving on with their life and they really don’t want to maintain contact with you. Get the hint. Leave them alone.
Move on with your life as they have done with theirs. You don’t need to text them every hour.
2 Leave their friends alone
The ones you made while you two were together. Their friends.
Now sometimes it is possible to maintain a friendship with them (their friends) even after the breakup but if you do, do NOT ever ask how your ex is. Actually don’t talk about your ex at all with them. and don’t maintain a friendship so you can spy on your ex.
If you are going to maintain a friendship with their friends, keep it light and simple. Don’t be hanging with them just so you can talk about your ex. You need to let this all go.
3 Don’t bash the poor guy (or gal) too much
And I know that’s really hard to do. Trust me I get it.
It’s hard to not bash their name to anyone who will listen BUT please refrain. No matter how bad or evil they were. No matter how poorly they treated you. How would you like it if you found out they were bashing you when you’re certain you did nothing wrong?
And it doesn’t matter who’s to blame here. Maybe you both are! Stop making him/her look like the spawn of Satan.
Remember you stayed for as long as you did because there was some good in there too somewhere. No bashing. Let it go.
And let’s be honest here, I’m sure you weren’t the perfect person in the relationship either. We all have faults. Sorry, not sorry.
4 Stop whining
I did this. Oh, how I did this. Endlessly.
It was exhausting and I’m surprised I have friends left. Don’t call all your friends and whine and cry and complain every day about the breakup.
If you need to talk about it, call the one or two friends who love you to smithereens and don’t mind listening to you and then have a hug and a drink. But for the love of God and everything holy, don’t go on and on to anyone who will listen about how bad your life was with this person.
It gets boring. People get tired of hearing about it.
Of course, we all want to tell our story and cry the blues and that’s totally ok. Just don’t make it all you ever talk about. Tell your story and be done with it.
5 Don’t look for a replacement right away
You know, that whole rebound love thing. Ya, that. Good grief! Oh please don’t do that because you want to make your ex jealous or for whatever other reason.
You aren’t ready for a new love. Whether you think you are or not, trust me, you aren’t. You need to do some soul searching and healing. Go over what happened and why.
Think about who you are and how you can avoid this kind of thing from happening again. Plus, you may need to work on some self-love.
6 No begging them to come back
Now if you didn’t follow rule #1 you may still have them on your phone or in your contacts. Do not text them and beg them to get back together again. Nothing has changed. The reason why you left still exists.
He/she can promise that things will change but trust me, they won’t. Just move the fuck on.
7 Don’t break or steal their shit
Seriously. Grow up. Stuff is just stuff. So maybe they owe you some money or took something of yours by accident or whatever.
Just let it go (I mean, unless it’s a diamond and gold ring from your dead mother or something meaningful like that then you have my permission to stab them and retrieve your ring).
Sometimes peace is more important than being right. Just because they may have hurt you or broke something that belonged to you, you really need to be the bigger person and just let it go.
8 No drunk texts
Ever!! None of those “hey I’m drunk and I love you and miss you and come to my house and let’s have wild sex tonight” kinds of texts.
Imagine if they don’t answer you? Oy. Your wheels will go a million miles an hour and you’ll end up being a hot mess. Trust me on that one.
And if they do answer and say yes, well then this just ends up being a vicious ugly cycle. Don’t do that. It’ll never end.
9 Do not date their friends
Ooph. Just don’t. Especially not while the breakup is still hot on its heels. This is just so wrong.
Let some time go by. Heal a little. Put the relationship behind you. You shouldn’t be dating right away anyway. Go chill out for a while babe. Spend some time alone or with your dear friends who missed you while you were spending all your time with your partner.
10 Learn to forgive
What’s done is done. Maybe they really hurt you a lot. Maybe you had higher expectations of the relationship. Whatever the case may be, it’s over and it’s time to heal.
You will find healing in forgiveness. I promise. If you don’t forgive and move on you’ll end up just carrying all this hate and pain inside for forever and it’s soul-sucking.
Don’t do that. Forgive them and let them go. You’ll be much happier once you do that.
Remember why you left in the first place
How many times have you and partner broken up and then got back together a million times? Don’t be embarrassed. Many of us do this. It’s practically normal.
Of course you maybe still love each other but remember love isn’t always enough.
And here’s a hard pill to swallow:
People will love you the way you show them how to. If you have low self esteem/self respect/self confidence or self anything, and have a hard time loving and respecting yourself, well, how do you expect others to love you?
Oftentimes, we are in desperate need of healing ourselves and until we do that inner work, we will continue to attract the same toxic partners.
You broke up for a reason. Close the door and that chapter in your life and move on.
You deserve happiness and inner peace. Not grief and torment. Remember that.
ox iva xo